Growing by Grace

On a Hunt- Christmas Traditions

2011-11-23T21:54:00.002-05:00

I'm pondering. Pondering what I want our Christmas time as a family to "look like."

I'm looking for ideas.

I'm helping to lead a discussion among friends on Friday night on the topic. I'm feeling excited over a topic that I thought was boring even as it was suggested. Now, I'm feeling excited to think and ponder how our family will look during the holidays.

We are at the beginning. The start. Making plans that will impact future habits and traditions for our family.

I dont't want to get too intense about it.... or become legalistic, judgemental (looking at other families and thinking- "wow. what a waste- if only." ugh... I hate pride), or guilty if we "neglect" or don't fulfil the ideal picture.

But here is my request: for those that still take a peek at my blog, can you send me some links of articles, blogs, books you've come across that have inspired, informed or engaged you on the topic of Christmas traditions.

Christmas is coming... Now is the time to prepare.

Redeemed

2011-10-05T22:39:00.003-04:00

If I could replay this morning and watch myself, I'm sure I would be horrified.

At 7:30am I had just disciplined Jacob in anger, yelled at him, watched him sob in response, was frustrated and feeling guilty for how I responded to him, couldn't find things, ran out the door without having breakfast hoping I could get to it before I stepped into work. I'm on the brink of tears and heading out the door to bring Jacob to his daycare.

by 7:45 I was in tears listening to a podcast a friend had given me on advice and encouragement for the working Mom from Focus on the family.

"You cannot give 200% (100% at work, 100% at home) without the strength of Jesus"

"Even if you feel like you're a failure everywhere- you're not!"

"Take time to rest."

By 8:00 I realize I had forgotten work that I had done at home and needed to go ALL the way back to get it. I also needed to go buy milk for Jacob as the milk had expired at his daycare.

by 8:30am I'm heading back to work and I think briefly about how to turn this around... I offer up a quick short but weighty prayer:

"Jesus help me live today for you and not worry about what people think of me."

Now as I am heading to bed, I feel full. I know I messed up in more ways than just the morning I'm sure. A few times I stumbled in the work day that I can point to (let alone things I can't point to). I came home and wrestled with fleshly thoughts about the day.

Tonight I facilitated a group discussion where we were reminded of the gospel. It was refreshing and truly enriching to be around such beautiful women who want to please God. I was edified as well by the reminder that I am loved. I am accepted by God.

The gospel transforms.

Jesus help me love you more tomorrow.

I miss

2011-10-01T13:35:00.003-04:00

I miss writing.

This was a haven. This provided release, friendship (as I read others and others read my blog), processing, distraction and a place to record.

Now that I am back to work I am finding it difficult to find time to write. And I no longer want to just write anything... musings, happenings etc. I don't look down on that. I just don't have time.

I'm redirecting my writing.

I'm staritng a series on gospel centred living. It's not preaching (not many people read my blog any way) or teaching. It's not guilt driven. It's just intersecting my life with the gospel and seeing Jesus in all I do and recording that.

Before bed, I will write the ways I see the gospel changes, gives hope, defines things I experienced that day.

I've gotten a little sidetracked. I don't see it as bad but that God has allowed me to get a little off course to see a better view of things.

The gospel is about freedom.

I have been chained by expectations, guilt, fear etc. That is not the gospel but I needed to see it there is grace even as I enslave myself. Jesus still accepts me and thinks I'm special.

Now I'm embracing the gospel.

I want to see Jesus for who He is.

I want to see Him in everything.

I want to fall in love with Him.

I miss Him.

A Day for Musings

2011-09-02T22:31:00.003-04:00

Musing (as a noun): Contemplation; reflection

Conflict Resolution at a park....

I watched as two girls likely around 12 or 13 try to work through a disagreement. I tried to listen in and observe behaviour as best I could while I pushed Jacob on the swing.

Gal #2 (I'm starting with her first because she was responding to Gal #1 but I didn't quite here the start of the convo): "Well you don't have to yell about it. You have to understand that when you yell it just makes the other person yell back even more"

"Is this how you treat your other friends...because I suspect you do if you treat me like this."

Gal #1: Well I'm just saying that you don't ever want to do what I want to do. I thought it was too hot (which I nodded my head as she said this... it was darn hot!) and thought maybe we could watch a movie but you only wanted to come outside and didn't want to do anything else. I just don't think it's fair we always do what you want."

Then Gal #2 walks away in the direction (I gather) toward home without saying anything. She kind of skips and swings her arms as if she is perfectly fine and joyful. Gal #2 mopes behind her.

First thought: it's interesting how people deal with conflict differently and amazing this kind of language and articulation for 12 year olds. I "suspect" some of the way they speak reflects how their parents speak.
Second: I'm glad I just have a son right now... ugh... girls..

Students swarming back into the city and starting at the mall...

I feel compassion
I think I want to meet some of these people and learn about their lives, passions, hopes, how they think etc.
I wish I was heading back to school or working on the campus

After I finish talking to my Aunt on the phone (trying to coordinate picking something up from her).....

I assumed that she didn't want to talk to me. I assume that for everyone I call.... I get right to the point because I don't want to waste their time.

I never think these things when anyone calls me (except telemarketers.)

Where did I get this notion?
How did it originate?

Thankful it has surfaced.

Wondering if people get the idea from me that I don't want to talk/care because I'm trying to make them not feel awkward with trying to get me off the phone.

It's decided: I like to think. observe. analyze. discover.

A Different Person Today

2011-08-03T22:45:00.002-04:00

I like taking time to read through my past journals and posts on this blog.

It reminds me of God's grace that is visible already in how I've grown as a person, child of God, wife, Mom etc.

I am not the same person I was yesterday, last month, last year, 2 years ago...

I like reminding myself of that.

It helps me better handle myself today.

It gives me hope for the future.

One of THOSE Moms...

2011-07-26T12:58:00.003-04:00

You know the Mom who:

Is not consistent in discipline. One time she turns the other way when she doesn't want to follow through on something (if they didn't see me watching what they did.. it didn't happen) and the next time slaps her childs hand when they've done something wrong.

Let's her child hold her cell phone in the grocery line so she can go through in peace.

Is not consistent with night wakings (sometimes I cry it out ... sometimes I don't..we've stopped nursing in the night though so that's nice... although I could be judged for that too I'm sure)

Feeds her child sugar (yes I give my son the Mum mums and baby cookies and apple sauce)

Is still nursing (um... he lifts my shirt up. YIKES!)

Stops nursing before 2 years old...apparently health Canada now says this is the new ideal.

Doesn't always cuddle when her child is hurt. (He's tough. He can handle it. When he can't- I cuddle.)

Refuses to change her child with him standing up because he cries on the change table.

Doesn't always put shoes on when going outside (he kicks them off and just started walking.)

Yeah... I'm her!

Some things I know I want to change- like the follow through with discipline. Some things I've just decided I'll be judged for.

I'm just "one of those moms."

Birthday Video

2011-07-20T12:22:00.001-04:00

Andrew's been really getting into film and photography these days. I'm benefitting from this little kick he's on.

Here's a video Andrew made from Jacob's birthday.

Jacob's First Birthday from Andrew Rozalowsky on Vimeo.

A Letter at 12 Months

2011-07-19T21:53:00.001-04:00

I have really enjoyed reading friend's letters to their children when they turn one. I have a memory book that I've been keeping things in for Jacob and it has prompted me to do the same.

Jacob,

You're 12 months old- 1 year! I can't believe you've been in our family for that long. It feels like yesterday we held you in our arms right after you were born.

It's been so wonderful to see you become your own little person. You are a real treasure. I'm loving getting to know you and your cute little quirks.

I've been transitioning back to work and I miss you when I'm at work. I'm glad you have a friend to play with and are being cared for by someone who is very capable. I think this will be good for you too to learn to play on your own. I tend to just play with you for most of the time that you are awake or feel like I need to always be near you. I think this is good for us.

You're really enjoying exploring. You love to push your big car around hunched over it or walking. You could literally do that for hours.

You're much more chatty. You can say: "Mama, Dadda, dat (that?), Ya (yes?) Birrr (Bird)" and probably other things I can't quite understand yet.

You love to play the piano with me, listen to me sing to you before bed, hold your blanket and snuggle with it. You still love your soother.

You hate getting changed still but we've implemented some discipline so that we can keep you safe (same goes for the bathtub and electric cords) and we are trying to help you not throw things on the floor while you're eating.

You love playing with Daddy and playing hide and seek and having Daddy chase you.

Your interest in learning is fun to watch. You are really an explorer. I think you will be walking really soon as you stand on your own for a few seconds.

I love watching you "read" books. That's another thing you could do for hours on your own. I've never seen a child spend such concerted time with a book like that... you must get that from your father.

Jacob, I pray for you. I want to pray for you more. I desire for you to be a man of God, rooted and built up in Christ. Our prayer is that you will love Him and serve Him and know His care for you all your days. May He be your great Father and a parent like we could never be.

We love you!

Mommy and Daddy

Day 1

12 months

"May the Lord" Me, Mom.

2011-07-15T23:59:00.003-04:00

Bedtime routine. I'm discovering this is a beautiful thing.

A peaceful and comforting time for both Mom (or Dad, caregiver, grandparent etc.) and child to enjoy each other, and wind down from the day.

Lately I've been singing a song my Mom used to sing to my siblings and I before we went to bed. It's called "May the Lord" to the tune of Edelweiss.

I will sing this to Jacob as the very last thing before leaving his room. Sometimes I will rock Jacob in the rocker to settle him. Sometimes I will stand and sort of sway with him and then put him down in the crib to doze off. Sometimes Daddy will hold Jacob and I'll just sing while he either rocks or sways with Jacob. Or sometimes I will sing to him while he is laying in the crib.

When I was little after my Mom had been singing this song to me for some time I would request for her to sing it to me. My Mom thought it was so sweet because I would say "'May the Lord' me, Mom."

May the Lord, mighty God, bless and keep you forever.

Grant you peace, perfect peace, and courage in every endeavour.

Lift up your eyes and see his face, and his grace forever.

May the Lord, mighty God, bless and keep you forever.

I can hear my Mom singing it when I write out the words like that. Maybe someday Jacob will remember me singing to him and have great memories of that.

A simple prayer and hopefully a comfort for Jacob. My prayer is that someday he will know, understand and cling to the hope that is found in these words.

Oh do you want to hear the Dugger family sing this song (you know the 19 kids and counting TLC family?)

I'm Still Here...

2011-06-28T19:02:00.003-04:00

I haven't blogged for awhile.

It's not that there hasn't been a lack of activity, learning, growing, pondering, observing.

This past month has been quite exhilarating, exhausting and very packed with activity and firsts.

First time for:

Going to Ukraine. Our family went on a missions trip to Ukraine. We blogged about it here. We had it on privacy blog due to details about where we were and what we were doing and the fact that we left our home empty for a bit we thought it best to not let the internet world know about our whereabouts.

Jacob's first birthday! We had lots of fun for Jacob's birthday. The theme was "Under the Sea." I'll have to post on here some of the creative last minute things I put together with some help. Of course, my family was an incredible help as always with putting things on at our place. I felt like I could really socialize with friends this time too. Jacob was so sweet with his little cupcake and playing in the water. I'll put some pictures up soon

Back to work. What a whirlwind! I'm enjoying being back to work for the most part. I like my job. I like where God has placed me to serve. I like learning from those around me that are in ministry and sometimes difficult situations and how they work through it. There are lots of examples of faithful people I can look to in my job. I am missing time with Jacob, of course. I am so happy when I come home to Jacob and he is thrilled to see me (read: the milk woman... sidenote- weaning is going o.k.)

I think a reason why I have hesitated to blog lately is because I don't want to overthink things. I don't want to try and put things in neat little categories and analyze where I'm at and what's happening around me. I haven't shut off my brain but I've left things kind of at the top of the funnel and they haven't seeped down into the filtering process. That might come later. Right now I'm just surviving... pleasantly (it's not negative.) I'm just needing to keep my head above water while I transition into a new stage.

If I had twitter...

2011-06-08T08:56:00.003-04:00

If I had twitter, this is what I would tweet right now:

Sometimes I just stand in a room in our house staring at the wall. I'm trying to remember what I came into the room to do. #ifionlyhadabrain

Creation Monday {Summer Salad}

2011-05-31T15:22:00.002-04:00

I think I have a yummy go to Summer Salad. I tried it on Sunday not quite sure how it would taste but it was quite yummy.

I will definitely have to switch it up every now and then but this will be what I lean on for bringing salads places and if having guests over:

I think I found this in Food and Drink but varied it to make it easier.

Spinach (enough for 6 people)
1 Avacado
1 package of Raspberries
1 or 2 Oranges
Balsamic vinaigrette

Simple to whip up. Tastes great. Serves 6 people.

Thankful

2011-05-25T22:17:00.004-04:00

I'm thankful for this blog.

Sometimes I feel anxious by it and constantly feel like I need to be defining what it is, what it does, who it impacts.

But today, I'm thankful.

I was just reading all the updates I've done for Jacob's different months. I'm thankful to have that. I'm glad to be able to look back at them when my memory fades (which I never thought it would!)

I'm also glad to have this space to write. I'm glad that I'm aware that I am not an eloquent writer. I'd like to be but I'm not. I'm just at this moment glad for this blog in all it's imperfections and non-professionalness (yes it's a word I made up.)

I'd like to remember this thankfulness I feel right now when I get insecure or don't feel like blogging or put too much pressure on this. Hense, why I'm posting these thoughts.

I like this feeling.

{end post}

10 Month Update

2011-05-24T11:00:00.002-04:00

Tomorrow Jacob turns 11 months old! Crazy! Where has the time gone?

What's new this past month?

This kid is crawling like a mad man. He started crawling Sunday the 8th. I never thought it would happen.

He can pull himself up (found him in the crib last week standing after his nap! He got blisters from practicing this so much!)
He is confidently walking himself while standing with the coffee table etc. (like around it)

Had a some sort of infection we think (ruled out a lot of things including a UTI but because his fever was a bit above a "low grade" fever they kept him on antibiotics... now I'm trying to get some probiotics to put in J's cereal etc. because that will help boost the immune system my chiro/a book I read tells me.. maybe I'll just get some yogourt with probiotics for him)

Was sleeping through the night since 9 1/2 months.. then he regressed but now we're getting back there. Yesterday I did nurse him at 4:30am because it had been 10 hours and he was screaming... I never know what to do in those moments.

After being at a daycare last Wednesday he was chatty chatty coming home. He seems to be wanting to talk to people now. That little "test" was a great experience for me with going back to work. I think I actually will like it. It will be nice to be around adults and it will be nice to enjoy Jacob during the usually tough hours when I just want him to go to sleep after a long day. I'll let someone else have a long day with him! haha

He is still doing his "Queen wave" we call it. He also likes to do high fives.

When he starts walking on his own it is going to be crazy. I think it will happen in the next couple weeks. He's pretty determined!

Jacob looooves the books : "Brown Bear" and "I love you Through and Through." He lights up every time I bring them over and helps me turn the pages. These two are the only books that he'll sit through. I'm trying to continue to read others but he has definitely chosen these two as his faves.

Even though he won't sit with me to read some books he loves to pull them off the bookshelf and just sit and play with the books. It's amazing actually. It's like he's reading them himself.
This past month Jacob seems to be understanding more. He looks like he really gets some of the things I'm saying to him.
Jacob loves to sleep now on his belly with his bum sticking up in the air. I find it hilarious!
Jacob loves to do High Fives
He now plays peek a boo with ME now with his blanket in the crib. He is now the one doing the peek a booing! HA

Jacob loves the baby swing. I think he could sit in there for hours.

OH man, this is our physical development milestone month I think. This makes me feel better as I set out to go back to work... he'll hopefully be walking before I go back.

Creation Monday {M}

2011-05-17T11:53:00.003-04:00

Again, I'm late on my Creation Monday posts. I just love them so much I don't want to get rid of them.

This week I'm aware that I have created an M....

I'm not sure if I want that to stand for Monkey or Monster!

I would use both of these words to describe this little man depending on the time of day. Monkey has a more playful ring to it so I will use that during the waking hours when my son is getting into "mischief" (he's not at the development stage where I can say he is doing this I don't think) or is being his cute little wild self.

After I desire to go to sleep or if I have not had much sleep or am feeling particularly frustrated, I will call my son a "monster." One that I have probably helped create!

This kid will scream when he wants something or is determined to do what he wants and not have me hinder him.

I've helped to create:
A monkey or monster at night
An M at eating time
An M at bath time
An M on the change table
An M when he's frustrated
An M when he's tired.

I'm not sure at this stage how much I can do for discipline because he is still young but I do want to set boundaries... I'll just seek to learn what's appropriate at this age.

Creation Monday {Hope} ... woops it's Wednesday!

2011-05-11T09:28:00.007-04:00

Today instead of rejoicing in what I was able to create by God's grace in the past week, I'd like to rejoice in what God has created in me.

Lately I've been struggling with patience and anger (um.. what else is new?) It seems to coincide with lack of sleep and hormones. The anger than turns to guilt and then despair and just a crummy heart attitude.

Yesterday I was made aware of God's care for me in and despite this attitude.

In the morning, I felt like throwing things... actually I did throw things. I threw two sweaters at a wall. I threw a few of Jacob's books on the ground. I stormed out of his room and left him in the crib crying (he was perfectly safe) while I sobbed into a pillow in my room (like loud sobbing.. the kind where I wondered if the neighbours might call the police after they heard thumps and a baby wailing and another person sobbing). Oh gosh, it seems so hilarious to write this out. Hopefully none of my neighbours were home.
Andrew came home to work from home for the afternoon (totally a life save... totally God's grace) and I went out to have some time with God while Andrew stayed home. Boy, was that needed.

Then, later on at youth our discussion was on having self-control with our siblings. As I was leading the study I was feeling totally convicted about my own lack of self-control. We talked about how you can have self-control even if it seems impossible and sometimes we just need to cry out a desperate "help" to God. I was mentioning how it seems easier to just explode or implode with our anger when people push our buttons and not come to God for help. I challenged them to try to do that and not give up when it doesn't seem to "work" or when they mess up after. We prayed for each other and the one youth gal prayed for me. It was totally the prayers I needed. Such a simple prayer:

"God I pray for Suzanne and her husband Andrew and baby Jacob. God I pray that you would help Suzanne to be more patient and that she would know that everything is going to be alright even when she thinks it's not. I pray she would pray to you during the frustrating times and that she would see that Jacob is just a baby."

I'm really becoming aware of different seasons in people's lives. It's easy to think, wow that person is going through a really exciting time God must be granting favor in their life for whatever reason but I have seen the richness of being in a time where I don't feel like I am as hopeful, joyful, faithful or at peace as I used to be (back in the day.. I also need to be careful that I don't rewrite history and trust in a memory that is not fully accurate.. I might post on that idea later) but I'm more aware of how I do still have hope- though sometimes it seems small or fading- it remains!

God's grace makes me hope.
God's grace keeps me faithful.
God's grace keeps me seeking him even if it's a battle and I'm just holding on my a thread.
God's grace keeps me singing... even when the songs can be sad.
God's grace is. amazing.

Because of God's grace, I have hope:
in his love, care and provision
that he will give me what I need (even if I don't notice or don't think it is what I need)
in his promises
for a future

Pride

2011-05-09T14:06:00.002-04:00

After a really refreshing meet up with my old mentor today, I was reminded of an old blog post I had written on pride.

As I set out to manage my time better and make sure I'm not too overloaded when I head back to work I was shown how much my pride (that ugly little bugger) guides the decisions I make for what I'm involved in and how much value I think I give to those things. I tend to flip flop between pride and despair when I'm not leaning into God for guidance, vision, strength, wisdom as I minister to others and accomplish tasks.

Hey, guess what else I realized? I want to be God. I want to be God for people. I want to be thought special for what I can give. I don't want to depend on God because truthfully I want to be wise in my own eyes and in my own power.

Oh, pride. I literally hate you!

On the flip side, I'm also learning lately in my walk that I need to rejoice in the little things. Despite all questions about God, trials, etc. I have still kept the faith. Yup, God is gracious with me. I'm thankful!

An Ode to My Mom!

2011-05-08T08:22:00.002-04:00

Now that I'm a mother, I finally see
That caring for a dependent isn't really all that easy.
To wake up every morning and go to bed at night
with protruding thoughts of your children even as they're out of sight.

Now that I'm a mother, with only one child
I'm amazed at the patience you displayed even as the responsibilities piled.
Even as I write this, I remember the time you took
to ask us questions and know our lives when you could be reading a good book.

Now that I'm mother, I know the kind of hope
That is felt for your children to not turn out a dope! (hehe)
Perhaps my memory is fading, but I do recall
You did not display disappointment for the many ways we did fall.

Now that I'm a mother, I will tell you this
You are a great example; more than I could ever wish
I hope this ode to you, though very amateur
shows I'm thankful you're my mom- of this you can be sure!

Happy Mother's Day Mom!

So Many Drafts... so little to say

2011-05-07T21:08:00.002-04:00

I have a bunch of thoughts mulling in my head. I'd like to get them down on paper (or in blogosphere) but I feel like I have nothing to say.

I think I've lost a little bit of zest the past few days.

I think I'm a little bit... air headed lately? Not flighty necessarily but just not as thoughtful. I usually think about a lot of things especially while driving. Yesterday I found myself not really thinking about anything and driving home when I was supposed to be leaving an appointment and heading to another one in the opposite direction of our house.

I'm a bit spacey.

I think that has affected my lack of need to write.

Here are some thing that might be coming soon:

My ponderings about Jacob changing. He's been really different the last few days and I'm not sure why
A "dear people that have influenced me" series. I'd like to write notes to people from my past and perhaps one day mail a letter with what I've written to them. I will not write their names on my blog posts.
an update on some plans that I have made in previous posts (Jacob weaning plan, Maternity to do plan, Hospitality plan, New Years resolutions...etc)
Ukraine updates and ideas for the 10 hour plane ride with Jacob... oh and another few hours on a connector flight.... ugh

For now... I'm just being spacey... I probably need it.

The Making of History

2011-05-03T19:53:00.003-04:00

I'm glad I've lived to see this last election.

May 2, 2011 will go down in history as the craziest election we've ever experienced. Let's recap:

NDP is the official opposition party. Um... what? This has never happened in Canadian history.

We now have a Majority Conservative party. Were we going to get this if Ignatieff wasn't so crazy and the BQ didn't campaign at all? Probably not.

The green party has a seat in the house of commons!

The NDP has some pretty interesting members of parliament including: a woman who campaigned from Las Vegas and a 19 year old!

The Bloq Quebecois have only 3 seats

It was exciting to watch the whole thing unravel last night. Personally, I was pleased that we now have a majority conservative government but I was also pretty excited by all these wild turn of events. I just kept shaking my head in amazement at some of the absurd things that unraveled before my eyes.

Yup, I experienced some crazy making history stuff.

Oh and also that Osama was killed.

Creation Monday {My Vote}

2011-05-02T14:07:00.002-04:00

My vote counts.

Today I'm voting for what party I want to represent me as a citizen of this country.

I now recognize the importance of this even if others are apathetic about what the government does (which I used to be because of ignorance) for whatever reason whether they are so overwhelmed by the corruptness that they don't care who's in or whether they fully trust who will be in power (I think these are rare breads nowadays) or they don't think their vote will count and therefore can't be bothered for inconvenience.

I think everyone should vote even just for the principle of that fact that we have the right to vote. I think of other countries in the world where citizens do not have a say in what their government does. We are so privileged with the right to vote.

And with that, I'm off to create (i.e. fill out) my ballot with my vote.

Panic....

2011-04-28T20:25:00.001-04:00

Last night I was having some panicky moments as I thought about how I'm going back to work in a month and a half.

Before 6 months I was definitely ready to go back to work. Once 6 months hit I was still looking forward to or at least knew it was coming in the future and didn't have to really worry about whether I was ready or not. I was just enjoying Jacob and not really thinking too much about the future.

I'm now a bit nervous to go back to work. I know it is going to be just crazy.

I've been watching a friend of mine who goes to work everyday. This friend is much more organized than me and I can see that she's having a rough time trying to juggle everything with being back at work. She is in a more challenging job than me, but still-

I don't know how I'm going to manage being a working Mom!

I guess it really hit me when I went away on the Mom's retreat a couple weekends ago and seriously missed Jacob. And then yesterday a gal that I met at a class that Jacob and I attend will no longer be coming on Wednesdays because she's heading back to work on Monday. (she was my favourite Mom that I didn't know before in the class. Her son is a month older than Jacob and has been slow on things as well. We bonded over the fact that both of our sons were not sleeping through the night.)

I've heard from a few people this line when you go back to work "something's gotta give." What do I want to let go of?

The dishes?
The laundry?
The meals?
The cleaning?
The decorating/organizing of the house?
The painting (that is still not done?)
The normal sleep?
The meetings with youth gals?
The involvement with my Mom's group?
The creative projects?
The grocery shopping?
The sanity!?

I know I won't have the time in the day to connect with other mom's and friends that are home during the day. I know I won't be visiting Starbucks and the library as often. I know I won't have much time to read.. even though I haven't done as much as I would have liked to being home. I know I will not have as much time to connect with Jacob. And I know I will miss some development things...

This is going to be harder than I thought....

mmm... chord progression

2011-04-27T19:05:00.005-04:00

Um. I love this chord progression. It's varied a bit in these different songs (I actually can't tell if Hometown Glory is in another key. My ear sucks sometimes). Whenever I hear one of these songs I think of the others.

Normal Sleep

2011-04-27T15:45:00.000-04:00

Last night I got 8 hours of sleep without any waking up. I slept all the way through. I haven't experienced that since Jacob was born. I've had 7 hours but never 8. It's amazing!

Jacob has been consistently sleeping through the night with a few wake ups every now and then and only one feeding in the middle of the night since last Saturday. That's 10 days of sleeping through the night!

Last Saturday the 16th when I went on the retreat, Andrew stayed home with Jacob. I left lots of milk for him but when the night came Jacob slept ALL THE WAY THROUGH! I realized when I called Andrew the next morning that I had been being played by my then 9 1/2 month old. So then when we got home I set up a video monitor that I had forgotten I had and that way I could know if there was something wrong before I made my decision about whether I or Andrew would go into his room if he woke up fussing or crying in the night.

Now that he's sleeping through the night it's like I can't remember that it bothered me so much when he wasn't. It's like the miracle blanket. I complained so much and felt anxiety and was trying to figure out how to "fix it" and now that he's weaned of the blanket and night feedings I feel like I can't remember what it felt like to be stressed by it.

Wow, this parenting thing is so strange.

I knew there would be videos... there always is.

2011-04-27T14:25:00.003-04:00

I saw a few people with cameras recording the incident that we witnessed last Friday April 22nd, just outside of Maitland on the 401.

We were about 100 meters away from the scene. Lots of people were closer.

Here are some videos of the bus on fire and the hill caught on fire as well:

I love how in the first video the people recording are criticizing what the firefighters are doing. People- they are so funny.

I'm also debating whether it's our car at 24 seconds in the third video.

A few things I learned while waiting for the fire to be extinguished so we could carry on on the 401:

Crisis does bond people. I saw people chatting with each other and trying to figure out what happened while we were waiting. I also wanted to wave at people as we were able to pass as I felt like we had all shared a moment together.
Rescue workers can't be people pleasers. I'm sure there were a lot of people annoyed that they couldn't get past but they had to look out for the safety of everyone and made decisions to protect people... even people that are annoyed, frustrated, glaring... etc.
People can be jerks. We had a couple people honking horns and waving (and looked like they were laughing) on the other side of the 401 as they passed all of us waiting. How did they know everyone was fine? People could have died and they are honking and waving.

Easter Weekend (The blog post that could be 5 blog posts)

2011-04-26T13:08:00.003-04:00

This past weekend was really busy!

So much happened in 5 days that I need to record it here.

Thursday:

headed to my hometown. Traffic wasn't bad so we got their in 4 hours.
Then I set to work finishing up plans for my friends Engagement dinner
Enjoyed time with my friends and celebrating Linds

Friday:

Andrew and I drove an hour to Ottawa to see friends of ours who pastor a church there now. We left Jacob with my parents
We attended the good Friday service and it was wonderful. It was so nice to worship in a church that was not our own. At the service I prayed that I would feel and experience gratitude for the cross in ways I hadn't before. I know cognitively I should be thankful and I am thankful but I prayed that I would really feel and reflect on what Jesus did. It's easy to just take advantage or forget how significant the act was!
On the way back from the service we were behind this. No one was hurt thankfully but it was incredible to watch it. There were about 80-100 cars that were bumper to bumper after the last exit available to get off the 401 before this and we were about 100 meters from the scene. I have never scene flames so high. At one point the hill beside the bus caught on fire too and it went all the way up the hill. We waited 1 1/2 for the flames from the bus and the hill to be put out. I could write a whole post about this experience including how I felt like we had bonded with the people sharing the experience though we never talked to them.

Saturday

We headed back to Ottawa to have lunch with our friends this time with Jacob and no bus on fire on our return.
We came back and helped get the Easter dinner ready.
We celebrated our birthdays as well with my family at dinner time.
For dessert my parents had invited some relatives from the area to come and some watched the hockey game and some chatted until 10pm (I could have gone to bed at 8)
I connected with Jen to figure out some details for Monday

Sunday

We headed to Andrew's parents early on Sunday morning and go their around noon.
At 2pm a some family and friends came until dinnertime.
Then we had another big Easter dinner again I wanted to go to bed at 8pm.
We left their house at 8 to go home.
Connected again with Jen with details for Mon.

Monday

headed over to Jen's at 7:30am. We planned, and decorated, and put everything together. We had incredible help from Jen's family and Vanessa's mom.
2pm people started to come and 2:30ish Vanessa came.
Jacob and I enjoyed the party and then Andrew joined us after work. We hung around until 7 and then brought Jacob home for bed.
I went to bed at 8:50

That was almost too busy a weekend. I'm not sure I would want to change anything though.

Creation Monday {Surprise!}

2011-04-26T13:06:00.009-04:00

This past Easter weekend, I helped plan a time to celebrate a couple of my friends.

On Thurdsay, we had arranged to have a surprise engagement dinner for my friend Lindsay. This had been in the works since September trying to get together friends from High School to come back "home" and celebrate Linds. It was quite the ordeal trying to get everyone together as a lot of my friends from High School their families have moved away from my hometown so it proved quite difficult. We ended up with 3 of us able to make it and Linds knowing about it in advance. This was all actually perfect for Lindsay and her personality. She likes small gatherings and she's not a big surprise person.

Linds is having a difficult time planning for the wedding, sifting through the to-do's and the expectations and so we wanted to encourage her with a gift of wedding mags a bridal bargain book and a wedding planner/organizer book. We had a lovely dinner together at my parents place and then we just hung out- chatting and leafing through the bridal magazines. I showed them how to make these paper flower thingies that I made for the next celebration that took place on Monday for another friend.

Here's a couple pics from our enjoyable time together.

On Monday, we celebrated my friend Vanessa. Another friend Jen had thought of a brilliant idea to surprise Vanessa with a half birthday party before her family moves to Uganda in September. Over the planning process we developed it into a half-goodbye party as well... which we thought was just brilliant as it contributed to the "half" themed party* Vanessa will be turning 30 when she's away and so Jen thought it would be a great idea to make a way for her to celebrate her 30th with her friends. Jen lassoed me in to the planning and working through the details which I was really thankful and honoured to do. Vaness was totally surprised, which was great! I think Vaness was really thankful and felt loved. Actually, I'm pretty confident of this as she wrote about a blog post about it.

I don't have a pic from the day but here's Vanessa and I at a friend's wedding.

Gosh, I'm going to seriously miss this woman. Serious.

I really loved celebrating my friends! Today, I'm zonked though from the weekend and planning so I stayed in my PJ's until noon. Um, that was glorious.

*the half party including: half a birthday cake, half sandwiches, half cookies... I thought there was more. I guess that was it for the theme.

This Love

2011-04-20T10:23:00.000-04:00

The first few months of Jacob's life I found really difficult. I don't think I could even articulate how difficult it was until I'm out of it now looking in. I had no clue what to do. I was just trying to plug along and get through it.

I found once 6 weeks came I felt a bit better. And then 3 months came and I felt a bit better. Then 6 months came and I thought "I could have another." It was at 6 months that I started to feel a new kind of love for my son.

When he was in my belly, I loved him. I always "wanted" him. It was not in my plan and sometimes I did not feel like I would be a good Mom but I loved this little one forming inside of me. But it was often a cognitive love.

When he was born, I loved him. I was totally overwhelmed and had no clue what to do but I loved this little human who was now our son. But it was often a cognitive love.

When he was 3 months old, I loved him. I loved that I could pass him off to others and I loved that he slept well when he went to sleep at night that I could go out and do errands and meet people. I loved that he was developing and learning before my eyes. By 6 months old, he was eating solids and not totally dependent on me for nutrition. Because he was less dependent on me I started to feel my heart get softer for this little guy that I was not just responsible for.

But now, gosh. I'm experiencing a new kind of love. A love free from my responsibilities. I love this little guy apart from myself and what I do for him. I do love how he makes me feel, I won't lie. But I also just love this little human that is getting a little personality. I love my little wild man who bangs his hands on everything and waves his hand at everyone and smiles so much. I love his determination and that he wants to stand on his own and walk so badly. I love his "talking" and "singing" and dancing.

This kind of love I have never experienced before.

Now when I watch movies, read books, or hear stories of families, I relate to the parents. My heart breaks for parents who mourn for their children (ones that pass away or ones that are troubled or rebellious, or victims or just simply hurting.)

This kind of love is a mother's love.

I am a mother. Wow. I think I'm finally settling into this.

9 Month Update

2011-04-18T22:29:00.000-04:00

On April 25th, Jacob will be 10 months old. That will be here before I know it! I better get to work writing out his 9 month update so I don't forget things. He seems to be daily changing before my eyes! Here's some highlights on what's been happening with Jakester this month:

Jacob loves to bang things (hands on surfaces, toys on surfaces, toys on toys.) He's a boy!

He has growing interest in other things than toys.

He blinks when he thinks things are going to fall or hit him

He usually looks at the right person when we say "Where's Mama? Where's Dada?"

He looks like he's going to crawl. He can do a backwards one right now on laminate floors.

He can get up almost on his own to stand!

He will sometimes grind his front teeth to relieve some teething pain which has produced my first firm "No." I am also implementing this at the change table when he likes to move all around and try and touch his poop. I try to not say "No" too much at this stage.

The teething is producing the cutest little smile

Jacob seems to be more interactive with other kids

Ripping paper doesn't make him laugh. I tried. Have you seen those adorable youtube videos of the kids laughing when someone rips paper? Adorable.

This kid is STRONG and determined. I need to watch out.

This kid is quick! My reflexes need to get better because this guy is fast. I need to baby proof stat.. the crawling is going to happen soon.

Passport pictures are difficult with babies

Still not sleeping through the night. Again, some of this might be my fault. Regardless of whether I should or shouldn't be doing something about it I'm recording that as of today April 13th, when Jacob is 9 1/2 months he is not sleeping through the night at all and hasn't since he was 6 months old. (This past Saturday when I was away he slept through the night and last night he almost did)

Now for some fave pictures and video:

(video to post later)

Creation Monday {Authenticity}

2011-04-18T13:50:00.003-04:00

This past weekend I went away, as I mentioned, with some mom's from my church. It was lovely, refreshing, fun, and everything I needed.

I think when you get a group of women together there is the potential for "fake" friendships including competition, insecurities, hiding feelings, self-defense mechanism etc. From my perspective, I did not find this to be the case at all this weekend.

The environment was lovely. I was freed up to be honest about some things that I needed to have a few people hear and accept me for. I was able to, by God's grace, feel like I could just be me. There were a few times at the beginning where I was feeling insecure and not sure where my place was among all these ladies older than me but I prayed about it and decided to just be me and allow God to minister to me through the lives of these women and just enjoy their company and not feel I need to prove myself.

That among other things I believe was why the weekend was so fun, lovely and refreshing. I was able to be authentic and real with these ladies and feel accepted in return.

When is the Perfect Time to Leave?

2011-04-16T07:18:00.002-04:00

Today I leave for a quick retreat with some ladies from my church. We are heading up north.

I'm leaving Jacob with Andrew. I'm really excited to have some time away but I will seriously miss Jacob. It seems so strange. 8 months ago if you would tell me I could go on a retreat and that everything would be fine with Jacob if I left I would have been GONE! Now, I'm feeling a little sad to leave. I know it's not too long though.

Yesterday Jacob was having fitful times with teething. I felt for him but it was also very frustrating! At one point I thought, "Ok. This is perfect. This will make leaving easier."

But then I quickly thought, I don't want to leave him if he's teething!

So my conclusion, I just have to go and enjoy myself. I trust my husband that he is capable and I've left them prepared. There is no perfect time to leave for a retreat. You just got to do it!

Ma Class Francais Part 2

2011-04-15T08:30:00.002-04:00

Well I've just finished my French class last night.

I finished with an oral exam that I got 92% on (it helps that I had my family's former french exchange student correcting the written part of the oral.) I finished the class with an 89% which I'm pretty pleased with. (I don't usually have these kind of marks so that is why I'm recording them and "bragging" if you will.)

Now comes the harder part: applying my learning. I am a scaridy cat when it comes to speaking french with those with whom it is their first language or even those that are bilingual. When I was skiing at Mt. Sutton I went up on a chairlift with a local guy. His english was good but I flat out said to him "I should be practicing my french with you but I'm too scared." He was trying persuade me that this was the time to practice but I never took the opportunity.

My next plan of attack is to increase my vocab for things pertinent to my job at work. I want to master that so that I will be useful in that way. I also want to continue instilling good habits with verb conjucation. I will also continue listening to my fave radio station right now in the car 90.3 and then when I get my bro's ipod touch I'm going to stream french radio/music when I can.

I'm glad my class is done but I also really enjoyed having it as an ongoing thing. Hopefully I will be more disciplined/confident to continue practicing and learning the language

What a Day!

2011-04-13T19:12:00.002-04:00

I was going to post Jacob's 9 month update today but I still need to add a photo and video. I'm too lazy to do that tonight. I have a meeting with a potential caregiver for Jacob for the summer and then I need to work on my oral exam for french due tomorrow!

Busy Busy.

Today started out as a usual day. Woke up, fed Jacob, cleaned up a bit, finished some to-do's, gave Jacob a nap, showered, fed Jacob when he got up and got ready to go out.

As I was getting Jacob ready to go to a class we're involved with, I noticed I still had a lot to do and would not get ready in time so I recruited Andrew for a few minutes to help so I would get there on time. I delegated him the task of putting the car seat back in the car. When he opened up the door to go outside we saw a strange scene:

6 SWAT team members armed were walking toward one of our neighbours houses. Um. Scary. We thought we'd stay inside and watch to see what happened. There were at least 5 Police cars on the road as well.

We still don't know what happened. It seemed like it ended fine and they had an easy entry into the house and they left soon after. Andrew asked one of the cops if it was safe to come outside when Jacob and I needed to leave and they said it's fine. So it's a mystery what happened.

Then I set out after our class to apply for my passport (with my married name) and Jacob's Well, tried to set out. Andrew pointed out that I had neglected to get a signature for Jacob's picture from the guarantor. So I had to go to the guarantor's house and get the signature and then set out. Then, once I got to the passport office, which is 30 minutes away from home, I was made aware that we were missing a signature from someone not with us. So I plopped Jacob off at my friend Ashley's who graciously looked after Jacob while I drove back home, got the signature, went back to the passport office and then finally came home to get the car to Andrew in time for him to head off to his "Linguistic Circle" (sounds like a cult doesn't it?)

Now, I'm pooped and reflecting on my not so normal and very eventful day.

Details, Details, Details...

2011-04-12T09:12:00.003-04:00

I don't think I'm naturally an administrator but I'm definitely getting better in the area. It helps that I work at a job where I do administration. I must be somewhat good at it because they seem to think I do a decent job.

I think I'm generally pretty lazy with detail and precision. Andrew is often better than me at this (or at least with attention to detail in certain things in order to attain clarity or precision) I think this plays out in many areas of my life (definitely in areas that I feel insecure in: music, writing, french, photography, cooking, baking etc.) Again, I've gotten better when I see the necessity of it (usually discovered when something goes terribly wrong because I didn't....read instructions for example.)

I've been tackling some to-do's for our upcoming trip to Ukraine. I'm able to pull things together and read for details when I want to but upon conversing with our administrator from our church I realized I am definitely lacking in this area. I just make do.

Perhaps someday I will call myself a good administrator. For now, I'm just getting by.

Creation Monday {Focus}

2011-04-11T19:27:00.002-04:00

I said I would not touch our new DSLR camera until we had it for a month. I've gone back on what I said.

On March 29th, we got our new camera. We got a pretty good deal on the camera and asked all of our family members (minus my siblings who are going to pay my bro some money so they can give me his old ipod touch) to give money toward this for our birthday. Andrew and I are also not giving each other gifts. This is our gift this year.

Last Sunday when my sis was over and her and Andrew were talking I thought maybe I'll just try the camera. So Andrew showed me a few things and I set to work learning how to "focus."

Here's some shots I took (there's nothing fancy, probably really boring... just recording my first attempt at learning focus for this entry)

(second picture: was trying to get the pen in focus.)

I took a couple of Jacob outside this past Sunday when the weather was glorious *

*Andrew and I took advantage of this even more when Jacob went down for a nap. We sat outside on our back deck and just chatted in the sun with a Stella in our hands and some spring rolls to munch on. It was glorious.

Dishes, Dishes and Dishes... :)

2011-04-10T22:00:00.003-04:00

Remember all my posts of washing dishes? Remember a lot of complaining?

You can refresh yourself:
- I complain about it here
- I have a good perspective here
-this post from my pregnancy blog.
- I had a brilliant idea (that never happened) to get me motivated to wash dishes.

The strangest thing happened tonight. While I was experiencing some serious frustration with my passport application and trying to change my address with CRA (multitasking) and not having success I left my computer in great discouragement and looked at a pile of dishes that needed to be washed.

I felt like washing them to let off some steam and feel some accomplishment.

I felt good washing them. I had silence and was able to just let my mind wander while my hands were busy. After I finished them I looked at my accomplishment. I looked at the clean dishes and tidy counters. Success.

My frustration was gone.

Does this mean I like washing dishes now?

The Uniqueness of Children

2011-04-10T13:38:00.006-04:00

When I help in the Sunday School at our church I'm always totally overstimulated when I leave. It takes me a little while to wind down from the experience.

I feel a lot of different things when I leave and I analyze the experience and how well I did, how well the kids did, did I do or say anything wrong, what cool things did the kids do or say etc.

I've grown in my love for serving in this way and for the kids since I've started being a helper. These kids are neat. I'm slowly growing in leading in this way and learning to come alongside different children with different needs. I know it takes time to get there. I want to arrive in all areas of my life so I feel tension when I see where I want to be but I'm not there. I want to skip the whole "process" thing and arrive.

Here are some things I learned today:

M needs an activity to do to stay focused
another M needs me to constantly check in with her but I need to leave her alone sometimes too.
R, M, E, A like to play the air guitar and "rock out" in worship. That's o.k. When it's time to listen I need to break them up. (I had help from other leaders with this today.)
D is so sweet. Today he thanked me for being his leader when he left today. I showed him a trick for how to find Ephesians in the bible too. He is so bright! I like chatting with him.
It's amazing the honest convos I can have with the kids. At the start of the class I asked R if he could help me with his friend who has some neurological/development issues. He ended up horsing around with his other friends. At the end of the class I said "R, I thought you were going to be my helper today. What happened?" He flat out told me it was because he wanted to play with the other boys.
I like control. There is no control with kids. I need to go with the flow and let things happen and deal with things as they happen. I can only anticipate or control so much.
I have something instilled in me (from my upbringing likely) that I should obey and do what's expected of me. It confuses me every time when I don't see that in some students. It frustrates me because I don't want to embarrass them with discipline.
I do not trust my instincts. I overthink everything. I'm fearful that I will do or say something damaging to these impressionable lives (which is a bizarre thought isn't it? I wonder how many people think like this as leaders)
I usually assume the worst of children's intentions. ugh. I'd like this to change... it reminds me of another topic of something I'm learning that I'll post about later (a new revelation on grace.)
The overarching "voice" or things I'm saying in my head is "look good, have the kids look good." Gross. That's ugly. I want to pray about this and deeply desire for that to change in me.
I often feel insecure that I am not helpful to the students or the large group leader with behaviour issues with the students. I wonder how much of this is noticeable to others.

Gosh. No wonder it takes me so long to wind down after Sunday School.

Closed Fist.

2011-04-09T10:00:00.002-04:00

My hand has slowly become open fisted on some things in the past few years. In some areas my hand has been pried open against my will and it was painful but then I realized something was an idol and was thankful.

I used to have a closed fist for a lot of things and would see a lot of things in black and white:
This is how we worship.
This is how we do ministry (evangelism, caring for the poor, healing the sick, caring for orphans and widows etc.).
This is my view of God's sovereignty.
This is my view of women in leadership.
This is how you parent.
This is how you care for a baby.
This is how you pray.
This is how you are a good friend.
This is how you are a good wife.

I think these are all important topics. I think it's also important to settle on a conviction or decision about how I feel about these subjects (more importantly what I believe the bible says). But I'm willing to be wrong with my conclusion. I'm willing to be corrected. Before I wasn't willing and had a difficult time judging others if they didn't come to the same conclusion.

I still struggle with wanting to be so sure about everything or "decided" on lots of topics or areas.

Lately I've been feeling like lots of hurt and confusion has arisen in ministry and in people's lives when people have their hands closed on things that are not the gospel and present it with such strong and persuasive arguments and energy as if it were the gospel. Again, I am not suggesting it is wrong to take a stance on anything or feel passionate about it but they shouldn't be passed off as the "gospel."*

What is my fist closed on?

This:

Arms nailed down,
are you telling me something?
Eyes turned out,
are you looking for someone?

This is the one thing,
The one thing that I know.

Blood-stained brow,
are you dying for nothing?
Flesh and blood,
is it so elemental?

Blood-stained brow,
He wasn't broken for nothing.
Arms nailed down,
He didn't die for nothing.

And this is the one thing,
The one thing that I know.
This is the one thing,
The one thing that I know. **

*I'm on a hunt to settle on what is the gospel. I know, of course, to a degree. But I believe it is a life long battle to remain true to and truly understand what the gospel is. What are the things I will have my hands closed on? How many or how little does that mean I will be 100% sure on?
** Jars of Clay- Liquid lyrics

Two New Blogs to Follow

2011-04-08T11:32:00.000-04:00

I've added two new blogs to my reader that I need to catch up on.

My friend and coworker Sharon Dow. Sharon is an amazing woman. She just wrote her first book called "Antipas: Martyr." I couldn't put the book down. It's a great book. A historical fiction novel. My favourite. For some reason I thought it was a different genre when I picked it up. Like a murder mystery or something but this is exactly my type of read. Reading the novel made me aspire to be like Sharon... start a writing career after I retire!

I've also started following a friend of Andrew's family Hattie. This gal is a "CF" gal (someone who has cystic fibrosis.) She just had a double lung transplant. It's interesting to read about her life. Plus she makes some pretty neat jewelery.

A Rant on Customer Service.

2011-04-07T21:49:00.004-04:00

O.k.

Seriously.

If you have taken a job in customer service you need to be prepared to serve customers. That is your job. Literally that's what you're in charge of.

If your position is customer service in a grocery store (aka cashier) your job is not to help the grocery items get across the conveyor belt. The produce doesn't care how you're handling it or how fast you're going or how kind you are to them. You are not there to count money or ring things in. Yes that is part of your job but it is all for the customer. You are there to serve the customer. Everything you do is for the customers (and your boss I suppose). You are being paid to serve the customers. I feel like people need a refresher on this when they are being trained in a job. Here's a starter- don't belittle the customer!

Seriously I have had a lot of bad service lately. Is it how I look? Do I have something written across my face that says "treat me poorly please."

I'm not saying this as someone who has never worked in customer service. All my previous jobs have been customer service and I have served some ridiculous, rude and outrageous customers. I smiled at them. I gave them good service because that was my job. Even if they made it difficult (as far as I was perceiving it) it didn't change the fact that I was being paid to carry out a certain set of responsibilities including and most importantly SERVING THE CUSTOMER. I am confidently certain that I am not one of these ridiculous, rude and outrageous customers and therefore find it absurd to be treated as if I am one.

Now I will give a list of pet peeves with cashiers (keep in mind I was one for 2 years so I feel it is possible to avoid the pet peeves I will write below):
1. Talking to other employees the entire time I'm there and ignoring me. No, I do not need to have an entire conversation with you but seriously it's rude.
2. Giving me dirty looks (for any reason... I could be picking my nose but you better not give me a dirty look. I haven't done this I'm just giving an example)
3. Making me feel like I'm inconveniencing you (for any reason.)
4. Implying that I'm an idiot (over anything or for any reason)
5. Not saying "hello." or "have a nice night." COMMON THAT IS SO EASY TO DO!

I think that is all. Rant finished.

My experience tonight probably didn't deserve this strong of a post. I'm sick and tired (literally) and probably shouldn't have been running around doing errands in the first place. I'm sure I need to humble myself and get over myself regarding this topic but seriously... people not understanding they are in customer service drives me nuts. I wish they would find another job.

While I was Out

2011-04-05T11:33:00.004-04:00

I learned some things while I was out.

17 years ago today Kurt Cobain died. He died when I was 8 years old. My sisters, who are 3 and 4 years older than me influenced a lot of the music I listened to growing up. They would have been 11 and 12 when he died. I really hope we listened to Nirvana after Cobain died.... that's a scary thought if we listened to him while he was alive.
The red and white health cards are likely going to slowly cease to exist. I learned today at Service Ontario that they will be asking for us to update our addresses or else they will stop the coverage and the lady said they are slowly going to make us get the "new" green health cards too. Meh. It was good while it lasted not having to update every few years.
McDonald's coffee is my favourite kind of coffee to get while I'm out.

Creation Monday {Reuse}

2011-04-04T11:46:00.008-04:00

On Saturday my friend Vanessa had a very successful garage sale (you can get some tips from her blog {Part 1, Part 2} for what made it so successful.) I picked up some good finds.

I've become more of an accumulator this past year as we've been "setting up house." I've never been much of an accumulator (minus crafty/sentimental things.) I will probably have to reign in at some point but on Saturday I had no regrets because the proceeds were going to a great cause and I like Vanessa's style/ stuff.

As the family reduced and sought to recycle their stuff as they get ready to leave for Uganda*, I went home and set out to reuse the items I purchased.

I picked up a bookshelf (I always think about bookshelves as my husband is an avid reader and accumulator of books.) For now it will hang out in my little nook in our bedroom (which I'm working on creating some order, colour and rest in). I just need to fix one of the shelves which will be really simple. This is going to be my creation area. Where I can be crafty, creative and purposeful. I'm hoping to pick up an inexpensive sewing machine at some point in the future and this area will be my sewing area too.

I picked up a bin organizer for Jacob's toys. Right now it will function as a clothes organizer in his closet. I put the dresser that was there before in the spare bedroom. As you can see, there are still some clothes on the floor I need to deal with.

Above the dresser is the mirror I picked up. I love mirrors. I think mirrors are one of my favourite decorating items. I still need to wipe down the mirror and put it up on the wall.

I also picked up: a pair of Vanessa's shoes, some scrapbooking stuff which I will use to make cards, an eisle for Jacob when he gets older, some blocks for Jacob and a tray for cooking utensils.

There was some great stuff there. I was really happy with the things I picked up and how they are adding to our home.

*I love what's happening in the lives of this family. I was encouraged to watch the boys show no signs of greed or showing sadness as their stuff was leaving. I know the youngest probably didn't have a clue what was happening so I don't give him too much credit but the almost four year old impressed me. What a great opportunity for these boys. What an example this family is. It's a beautiful thing to get rid of a lot of your "stuff." And in this case they can start somewhat fresh when they come back and perhaps it will be easier to not accumulate lots of "stuff."

Sick Boy

2011-04-03T18:45:00.006-04:00

Jacob is sick. He has a fever and runny nose. Poor little guy. Today during church I saw what I thought was my number being put up to call me to the nursery (003... mine is 1003... attention to detail. Gets me every time) and when I got there I saw that Jacob was sitting with my friend Wendi in a glider and he had his soother in his mouth and was so still.

First thought: Wow. So precious.

Second thought: Something has to be wrong. (Jacob does not cuddle and does not stay still. )

When we got home I checked his temperature and it was 38 degrees. I didn't think that was too bad so we just cuddled all afternoon with some naps here and there. Later on it went up to 39 so we called Telehealth and gave him some Tylenol. We've been monitoring it since. He's gone down for the night now. I'm expecting many night wakings as he woke up a lot for his last cold. Poor guy has a lot of mucous and can't breath through his nose. We've got the vapourizer in his room and we've been doing the saline and syringe a lot. Here we are cuddling on the couch this afternoon. Although I felt bad for my little guy I really enjoyed the cuddling today.

Other Extreme- Same Result

2011-04-03T18:40:00.000-04:00

Here is a classic example to help show what I mean by the other extreme produces the same result.

Legalism vs. License. I am talking about how we approach Christ's work on the cross or as my husband called it today in his sermon "Christ's cross work" (it sounded weird to my ears when he said it but I like it upon further reflection.) When we are legalistic we are having the "Jesus plus" mentality when it comes to salvation and justification. We are saying I need to do ___ to have worth or I need to do or be _____ to be saved. Legalism negates Christ's complete work on the cross. The gospel is no longer the gospel when legalism is involved.

The same applies for license. When we believe that "now we are saved" and we can do whatever the ... whatever we want then we do not see how Christ's work calls us to be holy and we are to live out our faith and work out our salvation with fear and trembling. The law still exists and is what should be our standard. Christ's work did not make it void. We are able to have victory and be sanctified in righteousness because of what Christ did. If we do not seek that we are also negating the work on the cross.* When I talk about this I'm not then going back to legalism where I'm saying you have to be committed to righteousness or else you have no worth or are not saved. I'm only trying to hold the two in tension.

Thank God for grace. Anyway I'm getting carried away. That was supposed to just be a classic example of my point about extremes producing the same result.

Let me get to the real point.

Yesterday I thought of another case of this that has never dawned on me before: how I approach how God has made me. Especially as it relates to performance, talents and gifts that he has given me.

I am generally the type of person that cuts down or doesn't really think I'm "that good" at anything. This is partly because in anything there is always someone better than you or will be in the future. But yesterday when I was playing the guitar and singing I thought to myself "I like my voice." And then I had this picture of a friend listening to the music I had just made and at the very end I say "Wow. That could have been better. I'm sorry that wasn't really that good. I feel embarrassed that you had to listen to that." I could seriously be feeling that as I think about what my friend might be hearing (some mistakes etc.) and just be being "real" in expressing it to my friend. But if my friend was tone deaf how annoying would that be hearing something decent and then saying it wasn't good enough. I'm not sure I'm expressing this well. I guess I've always not wanting to be prideful and boast in things that "I'm good at" but I never even get to worrying about that because I don't actually believe I'm good at things. This puts so much attention on myself and makes me become self absorbed and have pity on myself. Gosh I'm annoyed with myself even as I write this.

Obviously the other extreme is putting too much stock in a talent or gift or something I do. This can become an idol and take the focus away on the God who gave the talent and gift.

But both produce the same result:
- an ungrateful heart
- no attention to Jesus
- all attention to self (involved, absorbed, pity or worth)

By the grace of God I am what I am. I can delight in how God has made me. I should actually. I don't want to praise the gifts over the giver but I also don't want to spit on the gifts. That's just rude!

*I have been learning a lot about this subject from Tim Keller's "Galatians" study. I highly recommend this study. So good.

I can't get that song out of my head Part 3

2011-04-01T09:05:00.002-04:00

I can't get this song out of my head...

Apparently neither can my husband.

Another New Look

2011-03-31T22:27:00.007-04:00

Andrew and I got a new camera and he's been experimenting with it (I'll get around to it sometime. I want to I just am afraid I will break it. I'm also avoiding trying it out because I put pressure on myself from the get go of trying something new that I will never be able to "master." I know- I'm a tiring person.) He took some great photos of things around the house.

I said I wanted to do a header for my blog like my friend, Ashley and friend, Emily.

I LOVED my "new blog look and title" when I did it a few months ago. And I still do like it a lot but I wanted a new look. I think I might have this one longer because it's simpler even though it has more variety, if that makes sense. It's not as loud maybe as the last one.

Voici ma dernier "look"

Et mon nouveau "look"

Although somewhat random in my selection of the pics for the header (chosen as the colours all went together.) There is some meaning:

The guitar- My desire to get back into enjoying and making music
The radio -set on the french station
The lamp base- for enjoying being a homemaker, design and creating stuff

All things I'm wishing to grow in and that I'm definitely in process with. The only thing missing that I write a lot about is my family- especially Jacob.

On Enjoying Life

2011-03-31T20:40:00.001-04:00

Today I had a really enjoyable "freeing" day.

I'm not sure I'll be able to articulate fully why it was so freeing. I wonder if it's because I didn't over think it or have a plan for all hours or felt like I had to be productive and if I wasn't felt like I failed.

I had the privilege of helping out my friend Vanessa as she prepares for a big Garage Sale on Saturday (they are trying to slim down... better worded- do a massive overhaul on their "stuff" before they leave to spend two years in Uganda.) I did this for a good chunk of the day. It was really sweet to have Jacob with me and spend some time with her two boys. They are so fun, cute and very different from each other. It's neat. I love how they like Jacob. And it almost kills me when I hear them talking to him and interacting with him. I love it!

As I was walking home from spending time there I was thinking how much I was simply enjoying the day. No pressure.

Then I thought about how that is kind of a rare occurrence for me. It sounds strange but I think I put so much pressure on having a plan or feeling purposeful that I miss out sometimes on just enjoying life.

I think it's when I'm out of the norm for my day (like when I'm visiting my family or when I'm at someone elses' house for the day) that I can relax and just "be."

I don't really have a conclusion or solution right now but I'm watching this. I think I'm going to spend some time praying on this too. I am under the impression that God wants me to enjoy life as it does bring Him delight... but the impression hasn't trickled down into my heartbeat. I'm still a struggling Legalist.

Creation Monday {Cards}

2011-03-31T20:12:00.000-04:00

Ok.. this is late... I forgot (well maybe I was just lazy) to post this on Monday! I'll post it on Thursday this week!

My new fave thing: making cards. When I was cutting up cards and putting them into scrapbooks I was left with some leftover cardstock that I have been using to make cards. Here's a card I made for my friend who just got married on Saturday:

It was a beautiful wedding! One of the most beautiful weddings I've been to! It helped that this is the first wedding since Jacob has been born so we really enjoyed the reception without him. It was a nice date with my hubby and a wonderful time celebrating my old roomie getting married.

oh... and Jacob wore a tux to the ceremony. A friend of mine found it at a conseignment place.

And we matched (well it's the nicest stuff we have because it was for my sister's wedding. and I just put a little piece of cut-up cardstock that was lavender in Jacob's front pocket... cute or cheesy... not sure.)

Un Jour de Paix

2011-03-25T09:22:00.003-04:00

Je ne sais pas pourquoi J'écris cette titre. Peut-etre le post de "5 minute Friday" m'inspire.

Alors. Un jour de paix. J'espère que ca c'est aujourd'hui pour moi. Il fait du soleil. Ca c'est une bonne commence.

Free-Write Fridays

2011-03-25T09:09:00.004-04:00

Otherwise known as "5 minute Fridays".

I saw this on a blog I follow (who I absolutely love. This woman is amazing.) who saw it on a blog she follows.

She thinks of a topic and writes on the topic for only 5 minutes. No stopping. No editing. I used to do this in a Writer's Craft in Gr. 12. It was my favourite activity. In that class we could do any form of writing: short story, poem, narrative, informative, etc. I'm going to try this activity today. I might continue doing it too and will practice creative writing perhaps in the future too during the free write.

Anyway today I'm going to do this activity. Today's topic is:

Waking up.

Ready. Timer ready. Aaannnnd go.

"Waking up is hard to do." I feel like that is a song. No maybe it is "breaking up is hard to do." Who wrote that? I'll have to google that later.

Lately I've been having a harder time waking up. Perhaps it's the sleep training we are trying to do (we are definitely not succeeding at this endeavor yet) or maybe because the past few days I've been pretty slothful and not feeling purposeful with my days.

What I enjoy about waking up is that I get to hear Jacob making the cutest sounds in his room. I hear him learning and enjoying being up. It's so cute. I also enjoy that Andrew and I have gotten into a habit where he goes to get Jacob in the morning. I don't feel guilty (as I was the one getting up out of bed many times in the middle of the night while my "partner" in this sleep training endeaver sleeps...) and enjoy having more time to lay in bed while he brings Jacob to me. I also enjoy that our bedroom window is facing the direction of the sun in the morning. It's happy waking up to sun (that's my new thing to say: happy. A girl from youth says it in sentences like I just did there. I'm not sure what part of speech is takes form in when she says it. I'm not that smart to figure it out. ha!)

I know I need a better wake up plan to help with my slothfulness and feeling down and not purposeful. Lately I've been going back to sleep when Jacob has his morning nap but I don't think that's good for me. If I'm tired I think I should take an afternoon nap because for my personality I think I need to feel productive in the morning to keep me going. I need a plan and getting excited in the morning for what I can do that day.

...And time.

That was fun. Maybe I'll continue doing this. Maybe not on here but start a journal for it. I don't like that I can't edit or form thoughts better before I write them on here. I can't say "no. I don't want to write that" which I'm not sure I like for a venue where anyone can read it.

Also here's the song....

Yet

2011-03-25T08:19:00.002-04:00

Such a small little word. So why do I hate it so much?

Is he crawling yet?
Is he walking yet?
Is he sleeping through the night yet?
Is he saying any words yet?

Perhaps I only don't like the word when the question it sits in is followed by a "no."

Defeat.

I know the speaker is not intending to discourage and is only asking a question but this hearer hears more in the word than just a reference to time. I'm hearing "this is when a child should be doing this said milestone so that is why I'm asking if Jacob does." Perhaps I'm only hearing that because I hear the questions so often (and it makes me not want to see people. But that's my problem and probably a more layered problem than just avoiding questions.)

I cannot control how people form their questions. And I know they are asking these questions because they are the "classic" questions and Jacob is around the time when they can start to occur. But I know for myself I'm going to make an effort to not ask the "yet" questions and more just open up opportunities for the person to share what's been happening lately in their child's life or life in general (this applies to many stages of life: have you got a job yet? Do you have a date set for your wedding yet? etc.)

Not Blog Post Worthy.

2011-03-24T08:30:00.000-04:00

I have some thoughts.

None of them are worthy of an entire blog post.

so here they are.

Google is making patient care more difficult for doctors. "I think my child has..."

Get Chocolate get chocolate.

I've just done some editing to my google reader and now it's just down to people I know and a few others. I'm going to put blogs I like (recipe, home decoration and crafty blogs) in my bookmarks that i can go to look at every now and then. I just don't want to feel like I have to look at them all the time. I like some of their stuff but it's too much to read everything. Too much overload in my brain.

when someone is teaching you something and you don't get it do you assume a) they are a bad teacher or b) you're just not that smart or talented etc.? I think I always answer b.

"What's So Funny?"

2011-03-23T19:59:00.005-04:00

Jacob is killing us with his laugh.

I've discovered recently that he thinks a few things are hilarious:
- popping gum
- going up behind him and Daddy on the stairs
- playing peekaboo
- looking at him through the bars of the change table.
- when he is proud of an accomplishment he did
- and sometimes for really random things that can't be repeated *

Here's a video of his adorable laugh (and grabby hands) Ahh it kills me.

*Yesterday Jesskah was here and she was holding him and he was trying to chew on her zipper, which is one of his fave things now, and I was saying something and said "aaaannd" kind of like that and he looked at me and laughed so I repeated it about 15 times. He burst out laughing every time. I tried it today- nothing!

Sleep Training

2011-03-23T13:08:00.002-04:00

A line from Jungle book just came into my head...

"Now don't start that again."

We're doing it. For reals.

Last night we let Jacob cry for 40 minutes. I was surprised it didn't take that long for him to fall back asleep.

He had woken up at 9:45pm and I knew he wasn't hungry.

I told Andrew: "I am only feeding him once tonight." and we set out a game plan.

At 9:45 I went in and put my face to his face and gave him his soother. He didn't settle. So I changed him left the room and came back twice in the 40 minutes just to make sure he wasn't stuck in the corner of the crib (his favourite place to be)

He woke up again at 2:30. I just nursed him.

Then he woke up for the day at 6am.

That's better than it has been folks.

I need more sleep.

Jacob needs better sleep.

This family is getting more sleep.

I'm committed.

Creation Monday {Worship}

2011-03-20T19:55:00.003-04:00

This past week I spent some time at my parent's house and also at Mount Sutton. I also as mentioned in the previous post took a break from my usual copious amount of time on the internet.

On Friday I went skiing in the morning while Jacob stayed with my family members that weren't skiing. I headed out to meet up with my Dad who had already headed out (I had hummed and hawed whether I wanted to go out because the conditions were supposed to be bad... they ended up being great!)

So I ventured out on my own to the chairlift. Our Chalet was walking distance from one of the runs. I put on my skiis and headed down for the lift.

As I was skiing down the last part of the run, enjoying that the runs were not as bad as I thought they would be, I noticed I had not seen a single soul. I looked up at the chairlift- no one. As I got onto the lift I could see the lift all the way up to the top... not one human was on the chairlift and there was not one person on the hill.

So...

I looked around me at the nature I was blessed to be immersed in. I thought about people that have mentioned to me about how they experience God the most in nature. I have never been really able to relate to that. I think sometimes I miss out on the beauty of God's creation.

Then...

I started to sing... pretty loudly.

I sang:

Let Creation Sing (Hillsong)
All Creatures of our God and King
In Christ Alone

I'm thankful God gave me that wonderful I would say once in a lifetime opportunity to enjoy His creation and respond by creating worship in song to Him.

Abientot! J'ai Besoin d'une Retraite

2011-03-11T14:20:00.002-05:00

Well that's as french as this post is getting.

Starting today I'm saying Farewell to "Social Networking" I'm including in that category: Facebook (minus checking messages for planning things), reading blogs, posting blog posts (I can write some but not post.)

I need a retreat.

I don't feel healthy. Actually, I don't think I'm functioning well these days. I've developed some bad habits emotionally I would say. Anyway, it feels very tricky to navigate through it all but one thing I know that is contributing is my time online. I spend a lot of time online. It's not helpful with caring for Jacob. I find I resent him when he's awake. How messed is that?

Anyway, I'm taking a break. I think just until I get back from my parents. It seems like a no brainer that I would do it at a time where I have limited internet access. I might stay away a bit longer than that. We'll see.

See you in a bit.

Almost Traveled Out.

2011-03-10T11:45:00.004-05:00

Jacob and I have two more trips before I head back to work. This week we are heading to my parents again and then to Mount Sutton to "go skiing." Jacob and I will spend most of the time in the chalet but I think in between feedings I might steal one of my family members pass to get a few runs in. I haven't been skiing for... has it been four or five years?! I used to ski every year. Anyway, it will be nice to get on the hill. I love it and will probably enjoy it even more this year because it has been so long.

After that before I head back to work we are 90% sure we are going to head to Ukraine as a fam.

I'm almost traveled out.

It's difficult to choose to have less sleep for the sake of the trip. It's difficult to anticipate traveling and maneuvering when we will stop etc. (It's not a quick trip to my parents) I don't really enjoy packing (I'm not sure I know many who do) and I do feel a bit flustered the day before we go that I don't forget anything and that I'm leaving the house in good shape for Andrew.

I'm choosing not to think of my "to-do's" for the Ukraine trip. I will make myself a little (please be little) list when we get back from this trip.

We are blessed that we can do these things.

I don't want to complain.

But I also don't want to be unrealistic about the heightened stress that is involved with traveling with a little one.

Perhaps I'll be more care-free after a few more kids! HA!

To Research

2011-03-09T14:23:00.000-05:00

I'm not a big "researcher." I have lots of friends that generally do the research for me. I'm usually not motivated (read feel overwhelmed) to do some research myself. So I always get it second hand. Lately I've been feeling some incentive (mostly because the library is so close to us now) to do some research myself. Here's what's on tap to look into:

Healthy Snacks
How to make to store in cold room (tomato butter, tomato sauce, peaches, apple sauce, strawberry jam, etc.)
find an inexpensive coffee press
how to make an at home garden... townhouse.
where to find raw sugar
antique shows/ good places in the area (there is one on May 7th that I'm excited about)
nutrition plan
"100 mile Run"

Jacob's 8 month update

2011-03-08T14:51:00.001-05:00

Jacob turned 8 months on February 25th. Now I feel like things are moving at incredible speeds. Jacob is changing it seems everyday before my eyes. I spend the most time with him out of anyone and I have these moments where I am shocked at how different he is. I'm like "Wow. I don't even know you!"

Here are some highlights for his 8 month update:

Jacob has 5 teeth! Two have come through on the bottom and 3 are just a little through the gums on the top. He has been a bit cranky lately
Jacob still loves tags. I think i need to cut them off of his toys. I made him a tag blanket but he doesn't love it.
Jacob is now interacting with lots of different toys and is opening and closing somethings. It's amazing to watch him learn with the toys. I need to pick myself up a development book as I find it so fascinating how Jacob is learning and growing. I'd like to learn more about it and be able to "see" more because of my understanding of what to expect.
Jacob LOVES his mobile. See video below. He can take off the animals while laying down too!
Jacob is a chatter box. He chats A LOT when only me and Andrew are around. I think he likes to listen to others talking and when there are not many people talking that he doesn't know well he likes to hear himself speak and explore that way.
This kid knows how to smile. I wonder if it will stop. He makes everyone believe he loves them and makes them feel so good about themselves ahah. I know it is just his reaction and he does delight in people but I don't want that to end.
Jacob is still waking up one or two times a night. He was waking up at least that but mostly more when we were at my parents. I wonder if he'll get back into the groove of things in a week or so. But then we're off to go skiing at Sutton... I'm going to do a sleep "intervention" after that.
Jacob is out of his miracle blanket! I think it's been almost a month! I am glad. He now sleeps with a blanket on top of him. I thought it would get out of control but he doesn't "play" with it and get all tangled up. I think he likes the security of having something on him.
Jacob is loving solids. He now eats cheerios, toast and crackers by himself! He is so independent he prefers that rather than me feeding him. So far he has eaten all these things:
rice cereal
oat cereal
whole wheat cereal
beans
peas
carrots
turkey
beef
sweet potatoes
squash
pears
peaches
apples
prunes
toast
cheerios
raisins
bananas
chickpeas
tomato sauce
strawberries
broccoli
cauliflower
chicken
NEXT UP: blueberries, pasta, other fruits and veggies etc.

Jacob is more regular with his poops now! He is going once a day or every two days! Although it was nice to not have to clean up poop so often (when he was going every 6 days) I don't worry about him in that sense because he is going more often now.
I love that others can feed Jacob now. I'm amazed since he started on solids how much more relaxed I am.
The growling. I don't get it. I wish I had a video of it. He seriously has started growling.
my personal non highlight is that I have had 17 months of bliss but the day has come to have cycles again... ugh. I didn't realize how gross it feels. ugh. I feel gross

Creation Monday {Organized Keepsakes}

2011-03-07T09:00:00.001-05:00

I love organization. But you already knew that.
I love special keepsakes (usually in note form). But you already knew that too.

So this past week I got to work on enjoying combining both. I created (or just worked on some already existing) scrapbooks and albums.

My wedding scrapbook was in need of a lot of help. I'm not a big scrapbooker (is that a word?) I just find it's a lot of work and I don't find it looks as "neat" as I want it to. I'm considering doing family yearbooks* because I like to have keepsakes but don't like a lot of "stuff." The yearbook idea also gives the memory keeping a clean look. With my husband and all his bookshelves I'm sure we could add another thing to them (the yearbooks.) We probably should fill them with something good. Jokes hubby! Going back to the scrapbook. I tidied it up a bit. I also had a million wedding/shower cards that I wanted to keep because there were special encouraging notes from people in there. I went to work and cut out all the notes and put them in my scrapbook. I saved whatever was savable of the cards to use for future card making and other crafty things.

I did the same sort of thing for cards for Jacob. I've started a picture album for cards with shower, birth, dedication and birthday cards for his first year. I think they will all fit in there. All that i have left to do is birthday (which I don't have the cards for anyway... hah)

I also had a guest book from our wedding that was written in. There were lots of pages leftover and I didn't know what to do with the book. It's more annoying than anything. So, I cut out the pages, put a ribbon on them and put it in one part of the wedding scrapbook. I also took out the cake part that was in the middle of the book and replaced it with part of a card that I really liked. I am reusing the guest book as a guest book for our home. It might not get written in much but I thought it was a cute idea. It's now on the nightstand in the spare room.

Voila! Creation Monday...
*I might put that on my previous post To-Do's before I go back to work. Make a 2010 family yearbook. I got the idea from this friend first as she makes books for her children for their first year of life. She recommends Blurb to use for making books.
and then was reminded by this friend later on a post she did on the subject

For the Love of Learning

2011-03-06T19:39:00.004-05:00

I was able to spend some quality time with 4 friends that are very different than me on Thursday, Friday and Saturday.

On Thursday I spent some time with my friend Lara
On Friday I spend amazing quality time with friends from High School that I haven't seen for awhile Tracy and Marleigh.
On Saturday I spent some much needed time with my wonderful old roomie, Ruthann.

Here's some things I picked up or learned about on those days. Of course I will do this in list form.

I learned...

About print making (Lara)
Some different philosophies for Chiropractic care (Marleigh-who will be a chiro soon)
That crawling is better for development than walking for kids and parents always want to push the walking (Mar- from her child development class. She has taking neuro child development, psychological and physical child development classes. wealth of knowledge.)
things you need to think about when starting up your own business (Lara)
some practical nutrition things... like what veggies have lots of "good stuff" in them (Ru)
Some film trivia. e.g. did you know that for the movie 127 minutes there are more cases of people having seizures, vomitting or fainting during a part in the movie than any other movie in history?(Tracy)
the benefits from "eating locally" and about this book called the 100 mile run.... I'll blog more on this later (Ru)
A few things about photography (Trace)
That Ryerson film students are sometimes shortlisted because they have a huge "ego" because of their school experience and their portfolio so they don't think they need to work their way up like the rest of the "film" people. (Trace)
Starting to think more about God's view for our food consumption and how we were given food from the land but we're (mostly North America) kind of abusing this... maybe more thoughts on this later too (Ru)
How much I generalize (this became apparent as I interacted with all of them. They are not people that just agree... if that makes sense... and I realized I just kind of say things because I think people agree... I'm not fully making myself clear on this point but I will blog more about this later)

Although I have very different convictions, paradigm, opinions, education etc. than all these gals (in some areas) I really felt sharpened and more engaged in critical thinking after spending time with them. My brain is a little overwhelmed a bit (considering Jacob doesn't usually challenge me like that and Andrew and I think a lot alike on many subjects) but I am thrilled that I was able to be challenged as I was to think, learn, analyze and make connections. It felt like I was in school again. I miss having seminars. I miss sitting in lectures. I miss it all.

Oh and look at this adorable picture Tracy took of Jacob:

And here is the three of us from Friday (And Jakester too)... I cheated and just took the pic from Facebook

Here's a pic from Sat with my old roomies:

Esthero is Still Around...

2011-03-04T20:47:00.003-05:00

I used to love this musician.

This was my FAVE song in first year university (even though it was from her 1998 album). I played this song so many times with my friend in res. I used to listen to it in High school but I just have never gotten sick of it.

This was another good song:

I felt like she stopped making music.

However, when I was trying to look up a song from Grey's most recent episode (which I still haven't found) I found a good website that has the songs from Grey's episodes. Esthero is on there for this song in one of the previous episodes.

She's still at it folks. I had no idea. I am glad. I would never have pictured her working with Timbaland either!

In other news the most recent episode had Ash Koley featured as well. I think I like her too. This was the song:

Also, I've decided my I'm a big fan of female singers. I generally gravitate to music with "artsy" gals. I'm not sure what I mean by "artsy" but I'm trying to fit them all in a category where they can fit together.

Ma Deuxieme Assignment

2011-03-04T08:00:00.000-05:00

Voici ma duexieme assignment pour ma class Francais*:

Sally: “Vous devez aller au cottage ce weekend. Est-ce que vous pouvez aller?

Bob: “Oh Sally. Merci pour l’invitation mais j’ai besoin de travailler. Je veux aller au cottage mais ce n’est pas possible.”

Sally: “Tu travaille en Samedi et Dimanche? C’est dommage. Ce n’est pas une possibilité? Tu doit quitter ton travaille. Tiffany, peux-tu venir?

Tiffany: “Je pense que je peux venir. J’ai envie d’aller au cottage. Oui, je vais aller au cottage.”

Bob: “Mais Tiffany. Qu’est que je vais faire pour dîner? J’ai besoin ma femme pour le weekend.”

Tiffany: “Bob. Tu n’es jamais chez nous sur le weekend. Tu ne pense pas que je veux pour le weekend mais tu sais que ton travaille veut.”

Bob: “Tiffany. Tu as tort. Je suis à la maison beaucoup! Je peux être au bureau plus mais je choisis être chez nous!”

Sally: “um... Tiffany, nous pouvons parler au téléphone quant à les details. J’ai besoin de partir. À Bientôt... Tiffany.”

*Write 10 sentences.
Topic: Write a dialogue between three or four persons.
One person is to invite the others to his/her cottage.
The others are either to accept or decline the invitation and explain why.
Use vouloir, pouvoir and devoir (each one at least twice).
Use some idiomatic expressions with avoir (at least two).
Remember that “devoir” can be used to give advice.
Remember that a missed accent in French is considered a spelling mistake.

Wedding Gifts

2011-03-03T21:22:00.004-05:00

I've learned a few things from getting shower and wedding gifts along the way.

A friend is getting married soon and I set out tonight to pick up a gift. It got me thinking about the little things I have appreciated from gifts that i have received so far.

What I apprec. (short form for appreciate. You probably got that.)

- when people tape the gift receipts to the card. It's so much easier that way.
- when your "writer" person at a shower writes what people got on the back of the cards (depending on what kind of person you are. If you are going to scrapbook cards later this is helpful. Or if you are going to keep all the cards in one place after the wedding to do thank you cards this is helpful too. It also depends on how close your shower is to your wedding. If they are too close together I would recommend the card thing. Well actually maybe I would recommend the compiled list.)
- when people get things off the registry. (I wasn't crazy planned with our colour schemes etc. so I ended up returning some stuff) I especially liked some crucial items I have now that were not on my registry. one of them is a really cute fruit bowl.
- When people write something other than their names in a card. But that might just be me.

In other news, I'm very listy these days. I'm writing lists everywhere. It seems this has been a theme in my last posts. Perhaps it's because I made a personalized list book from tiny prints. I love it.

Mat Leave "To-Do" List A.K.A "I'm So Glad I Have An Easy Baby" List

2011-03-03T08:28:00.006-05:00

To do before I go back to work

(ideal/goals. It might not all get done and not reasonable to expect (read: stress) it all to)

learn how to make Mom's real Italian Spaghetti (homemade sauce, homemade meatballs and sausages)
Learn how to sew pillows
"design" and "create" Master Bedroom (hopefully I will discover creative and cost effective ways to get what I"m looking for)
have spare room "done"
have guest bathroom "done"
have meal plan ready and start to implement
Finish my french course well
Wean Jacob off nursing
Help Jacob sleep ALL THE WAY through the night (oh brother. 12 hours. We're almost there- I can taste it)
Compile a list of gift ideas and pick up some items as I see them on sale or inexpensive (I have been seeing a lot in magazines and blogs I read some ideas of things I can make or what people usually need)
Go to as many garage sales and antique places for home decor and gift ideas
Go to Ukraine
Spend as much time with friends and youth girls as I can (while still making sure I have "me" time)
Implement successfully staying in budget activities (e.g envelope system, going over grocery receipts)
Finish front hall set-up
Try cloth diapers
Get a dentist in Guelph
Learn some basics in Photography/ fix camera (ugh.)
Establish a weekly cleaning and chores plan

I want to make the most of this time because I know I won't have the energy or time (maybe just at first) to try new things when I'm back to work. I anticipate just "surviving" for the first bit so it will be good to have things like meal plans established*, and gift ideas/gifts on hand to serve my future self. I think I will also feel more sane if the house is in order**and we have a plan to keep it that way.

I am especially hoping and excited for our bedroom to be done. I think it will be my "safe place" and place to relax and unwind after the anticipated long days.

To Do's for the Room

Make headboard (pick up cream, textured shower curtain and other supplies)
Pick paint colour (grey blue)
Paint a dresser and bench (espresso- pick up pain inexpensively? I need to decide if we are going dark furniture or white. I think white is too risky for me)
Fine reasonably priced Quilt and shams (blue with rose colour accent?)
figure out what to put on walls i.e. art, pictures etc.
wallpaper boxes (craft, sewing notes etc. boxes)***

*A friend of mine said I shouldn't even try because meal plans never last. She may be right but now I'm more motivated it make it work. Not in a stubborn kind of way... well kind of... no I'm just determined to try to have a meal plan that will help serve order and sanity for me and my fam

** Within reason. I guess my expectation is that it will be painted and mostly "done" so we can just live in it.

*** I picked up some Ralph Lauren wallpaper for 99 cents. It might be a tedious job but the boxes will be visible in some areas so I wanted to change it to what the colours of the room will be.

Confession: I Have Rage Issues.

2011-03-02T21:17:00.002-05:00

I would never consider myself to be someone who struggles with anger. It just was never something I battled. I would feel anger, yes, but usually for something that deserved anger. Now I am just irrational and have lost the ability to navigate through my anger and rationalize with myself. It's a mystery.

I wonder if the lack of sleep and new list of responsibilities has turned me into a sometimes rage-filled person. It shocks me every time I experience rage... afterward I reflect and think "where did that come from?"

Today I had MANY rage-filled moments. Here are two irrational highlights:

1) I was putting Jacob into the car to get ready to go to the Little Gym. We go every Wednesday. It was really windy out and I was struggling to get the car door open and get Jacob in. As I was putting Jacob in the back I realized the passenger seat was pushed back and I couldn't get the car seat in well. So I had to take Jacob out again and put the car seat on the driveway while I fixed the passenger seat. While I was doing this I was saying some irrational and not nice things and I was intensely angry. At what? The wind? The car seat being pushed back. I have no idea. I put Jacob in (nicely... don't worry I'm controlled enough with human life) but I did stomp all the way to the driver side (yes STOMP.) got in and SLAMMED the car door. Then I took a breather and cooled down. But I was livid and heavily breathing and was trying really hard to control the anger. I'm literally mad as I write this. I cannot understand this rage. It's SO irrational.

2) Just now I went to the grocery store. I picked up some items and had a few more than 16 in total (you can see where this is going eh? Keep in mind I shop at Food Basics) I was heading for the checkout and noticed that only the express line was open. I thought this was strange. I did another look and was checking each lane- no cahier. Not one. I even saw another employee besides the express one just walking past me and thought "hmm. Maybe she should open up another one. There has to be people in the store that have more than 16 items and there are quite a few people in the store that it would be annoying if you had to wait for a big order if you only had 16 items or less." Keep in mind I worked in a grocery store. I'm aware of how things work. Actually most humans in general are aware of how things work. So I proceeded to the express line still looking over my shoulder to see if another cashier has opened up another lane. Nope. Couldn't see one. So I looked at my items (probably at MOST 20.. that's being really generous in an estimate) and said "sorry. I didn't see any other cashier open...." the cashier says. "Oh nope. there is a cashier down at cash number 1." I said, "Oh I didn't see her." (knowing full well thsi is the same cashier that was OFF her cash and I had walked past on the way there. Also this was the farthest cash... like seriously soooo far down. Why would they open up that cash????? it's so far from the door even. I then realize I must have missed it and didn't notice the light on) the Cashier then proceeds to say, "oh and Marty is on too. (she looks over her shoulder) Oh maybe she is on break. A good thing to do is to look and see if the light is on."

I could have killed her.

Where is this rage coming from????

Thinking About Making My Blog Private

2011-03-02T17:00:00.002-05:00

Debating.

I might change my web address and give it out to a few people that are are in my "inner circle" but make it a private blog and stream my current one into it... one that only the people I say can read it.

Contemplating.

Sometimes I feel like I can't be me on here. I think I usually am for the most part but I'm not ready for anyone to read my blog who wants to. I constantly go back and forth between thinking I can use my blog for others enjoyment and resting in that it's primarily for me as an outlet. I am not a writer. I am not a researcher. I am not a photographer, designer, baker or cook.
Therefore I know my blog is not like the "professional" blogs that I like to read that serve people in those areas.. Nor do I think I aspire to that.

I don't think my blog is useful for anyone other than myself or friends and family that care about me and wonder what's happening in my life like I like to read with friend's blogs.

Perhaps I'm being too extreme or insecure.

Today I read a blog post that made me really discouraged. Perhaps I am only writing this because I compare with this person. Perhaps I shouldn't even be writing this.

This might be deleted in a few days when I reflect on my self-absorbed post.

Some Anticipatory Lists

2011-03-01T19:05:00.003-05:00

Anticipate: to feel or realize before hand (I'm not necessarily meaning the "look forward to with pleasure" definition for all things on these lists)

As I was heading to the library today with Jacob I was making lists in my head for future things. I thought about the things I am excited about when the warm weather comes and I thought about some of the things that I'm enjoying on Maternity leave that I probably won't have the luxury or time to do when I'm back to work.

Warm Weather (what I'm excited for)

Using the BBQ almost every night for dinner
Jacob wearing t-shirts (I don't know why I'm so excited about that)
NO MORE BUNDLING UP before we go out!
Swimming
Feeling more motivation to go outside
The path will be clear behind our house and we don't have to take the street to go places
Making lots of yummy salads
Feeling more motivated to go to the Farmer's Market
Sidewalk sales
Sitting in the sun and reading.
Having the windows down in the car
Happier people (I just feel people, usually noted in strangers, are grumpier in the winter)

Ahh... I can taste the warm weather it feels so close.

Going Back to Work... what I will miss...

1. Blogging. I don't think I will blog as much when I go back to work. I'll likely just be trying to keep up on things at home that I won't have much "computer" time.
2. Library visits. I might make some visits on Friday's and Saturday's but I probably won't be reading as much when I'm back to work so I think this might dwindle a bit.
3. Having energy to try new things. I'm trying to learn as much as I can right now (cooking, baking, home decoration, crafty things, sewing, photography, writing etc.) so that I will have somewhat mastered a few things that I can continue when I'm working. I plan to have "surprise Saturday" meals too where I try something new. The rest of the week will be really scheduled for meals.
4. Visits from friends. I'm really sad that this will change. I love the freedom to have friends over in the day or meet friends at Starbucks etc. I'm sure I can still meet up with some friends in the evening but it will not be the same or as often as I have now.
5. This is probably the most obvious but I will really miss hanging out with Jacob. I will be sad if I miss the first walk, the first word etc.

Hospitality plan

2011-02-28T12:00:00.001-05:00

I mentioned in a previous post that we had 28 people in our little townhouse yesterday. It was definitely cozy!

It worked out though better than I had planned. I had thought originally that some people could hang out down in the basement (in Andrew's "land" or "cave" or "cove" or just basement depending on my sentiments toward the place at any given time.) I also thought it would be too chaotic if people went upstairs.

BUT, the kids (5 kids, 2 babies) ended up playing a bit in Jacob's room and some on the main floor (Andrew thought it was too "dangerous" for the kids to go downstairs because the bookshelves aren't attached to the walls and could topple... I wonder also if he just didn't want them touching his books...haha.) We put the coats up in the spare room and one of my friend's baby slept in the Master Bedroom. That left most people down on the main level. It was not that tight.

What I have learned is that people generally always gravitate to the kitchen even though I put some food out on the coffee table. There were still the messy foods, plates, napkins etc. and the drinks in the kitchen which left many opportunities for people to find themselves in the kitchen. Which made me wish we had a bigger kitchen but I think people were fine. It's amazing what people just naturally do. I'm glad I wasn't so OCD yesterday and found myself quite restful otherwise I might feel worried and felt like I needed to control where people spent their time so that everyone would be comfortable. I know now I don't need to worry so much about that because people will just make themselves comfy or leave haha although I'm glad nobody did that that I could tell.

I really enjoyed preparing the food for the event. It helped that I had my Mom's commodious kitchen to prepare the cupcakes (or muffins I'm not sure what you would define them. I'm not even sure where the line is to say the difference.... sugar content?), the bark and the icing for the cupcakes. I made them on Friday and froze the cupcakes and bark and the icing just stayed in the fridge. It also helped that I could prepare the veggie tray, fruit tray and Andrew made the Nacho dip Saturday night and we didn't feel pressure to tidy as much because my family was vacuuming, tidying, cleaning bathrooms etc. It is a bit tedious to cut all the fruit and veggies and display them. I really enjoy doing it and learned how to present them pretty well from my catering days. It also helped that Andrew's Mom brought the tortilla pinwheels which was a huge hit. And that my Aunt and cousin brought a small cake and deviled eggs. My sister also made cookies.

I never felt overwhelmed with the to-do's but I only think that was the case because of how much help we had. It was glorious! I can't stress that enough.

Anyway, that was a long preface to lead into the real reason I was writing this entry. To lay out a hospitality plan. I want to do better at opening our home to people. I really like serving in this way and have learned to relax a bit that people aren't expecting over the top but just a nice environment which helps serve good conversation and enjoying each other and a good meal.

I think for me I need to set a plan before I can be spontaneous about inviting people. I'd like to get to the point where I don't have to plan too much in advance (because I've got enough meals under my belt and because it's so natural for us that we don't feel it's much of an "event" or "production" to have people over.) The end goal is that Andrew and I can somewhat on the spot invite people. Hopefully once we form this habit we will be able to invite any people from church, family in the area, friends from different stages, places etc., work friends (Andrew wants to do a better job at connecting with people from work. The only difficult thing is that we live in a different city than where he works), Andrew's master's friends and their families and get to the point where we can invite neighbours over.

I think I'm decided that there will always be reasons NOT to invite people over:
- house isn't as clean or organized as we would want before we invite
- don't have a great meal planned
- we feel tired
- the house feels to small
- worried about what conversation will be like (for those that we don't know that well or that we don't know how we'll find something to "relate" on. That might be only the case for neighbours. But I think there is always something to talk about really.)

Andrew and I have talked about setting up a plan to get into the habit of offering hospitality. We had talked about weekly having someone, some couple or some family over either on Friday or Saturday night or Sunday after church. I mentioned this to a friend yesterday and she said we should just start bi-weekly because you'll be amazed at how quickly a week goes. I think I will take her advise.

So. We are getting this in motion. I'm excited.

Creation Monday {Tag Blanket}

2011-02-28T07:30:00.000-05:00

Last week I made a tag blanket for Jacob.

Do you know what I mean when I say "tag blanket."

Here's what I mean (this is another person's work):

Jacob loves to put tags in his mouth. Any tag on any toy or pillow etc. within his reach will enter his mouth. It's like he has tag radar and it's always on his mind. I turn around and a tag is in his mouth. I thought maybe I would make him one of these blankets because I don't like the idea of maybe some ink from the tags getting in his mouth or if I cut them off then that's no fun for him.

My camera broke so I don't have a picture of my finished product. I'm mostly happy with it. I think more so because people affirmed that they liked it. I need to do some corrections on it though and it's not fully how I had planned it to be. Jacob seems to not be as interested with it as I thought he would be. It could be because it's too "accessible" or because it is too overwhelming how many "tags" are on it. I'm not sure. I have put it in front of him or beside when he has some play time on a mat. Sometimes he'll grab for it but not often.

A few critiques of my creation:

1) the ribbons are too long. I just kind of "wang" it if you will (that's my style... I don't have patience for being patient and detail oriented. I'd like to develop this part of me but for now I just plow through stuff) which left some of the ribbon pieces longer than others and it doesn't have a uniform look like the example above.

2) There are too many ribbons

3) A few of the ribbons I chose were both too wide and too thick and not much like "tags." I just used whatever I had around the house.

Perhaps I'll make some corrections and when our camera is fixed I'll take a picture and explain what I did to make it.

A Clean House!

2011-02-27T21:19:00.004-05:00

Today we dedicated Jacob at our church. I could do a post on that but I feel like so much focus was put on it at church that I feel dedicationed out... please don't read that as I'm not excited or encouraged or excited by the dedication I feel the same way my husband does in his post, I just don't want to think about writing it out.

We had 28 people over in our house after church.

We ate some yummy "light refreshments" (I wish I had a picture):
Fruit tray
Carrot cupcakes
Veggie tray
cookies
Pinwheels (Andrew's mom got them from a catering company)
Nacho dip (mm the yummy one with sour cream, cream cheese, salsa, cheddar cheese... gosh it's deadly)
deviled eggs
cake
dark chocolate/white chocolate almond bark
punch
coffee
Tea

My family helped clean, tidy, organize and get some last minute items yesterday in preparation for today. It's amazing how much can be done by so many people in such a short time. My family are hard workers and the house definitely shows that now.

Now I feel like I think clearer in our house because it's so put in order. It feels nice. I know it will not last.

Today was a wonderful day!

On Toilet Paper

2011-02-27T20:37:00.000-05:00

I don't know how to start this post.

You probably think this will be a funny or disgusting post. I'm not sure if it's either. I'm actually hoping to be reflective about the subject, which I suppose is funny.

The question is: how much toilet paper do you use per visit to the bathroom (any male readers this might not apply for all visits to the bathroom but I'm not looking for an average I'm looking for what you would use on a typical sit down bathroom visit HA. Gross.)

Why am I thinking about this question? My parents had some issues with their sewage pump this week while I was visiting and my Dad asked if we have been using a lot of toilet paper (it turned out this was not the problem.) I don't think I've ever been asked that. I felt embarrassed and then insecure that maybe I did use too much. I said I thought myself to be use an "average" amount. But then followed with, "what is average?" HA! The conclusion was 4-5 plies. I definitely use at least 6. I guess without going into too much detail I like to have a healthy distance between my hand and the cleaning. It also depends on what sort of situation you're dealing with too.

Alright let's carry on. Other thoughts on toilet paper....

Tonight I watched a sentimental post on toilet paper (for the life of me I can't find it online... it's the one where the little kid is bringing toilet paper on a trip because it brings him comfort and reminds him of home). Yes. Sentimental. Mrs. Farmer (my grade 6 teacher) used to cry during "hallmark" commercials. She used to joke about this with us students. I pictured Mrs. Farmer crying during this commercial. This just seems wrong to me. It's toilet paper! How sentimental should we be getting about an item of this nature?

I was also reminded of another commercial (again I searched for ever trying to find it online) of the one where the toilet paper turns into a scarf and hat I think... do you know the one I mean? That was a good commercial.

Anyway, I think I'm done my reflections on toilet paper.

Starbucks et Mon Frère

2011-02-25T21:02:00.005-05:00

Mon frère travaille à Starbucks. Il est un bonne barrista. Aujourd'hui il m'a donné Expresso gratis. La seule mauvaise chose de Starbucks est tu pues après que vous y allez.
Cette poste est tres "grade 1." Meh (c'est le meme mot en Francais je pense.)

Working Mom or SAHM

2011-02-23T09:00:00.001-05:00

The classic debate. I'm feeling the tension within myself between the two as going back to work comes rapidly close.

Here's a little humour on the subject:

My "Style"

2011-02-22T09:00:00.001-05:00

I think my style is pretty boring.

I'm not sure I have a sense of colour, pattern and texture. I wonder often with this topic of "design" and other topics (photography and writing mostly) about what can be learned and what you just already have to "get."

I took out some "home design" books from the library.

I have a few projects to do around the house.

It's weird to have a fresh space to work with.

This is our home.

We style it how we want to.

But how do I want to?

I don't like to take many risks. But I do like colour. But I want to have some adventure and calm simultaneously. But I am also practical and don't want to get sick of something we decide to do.

Shoot. I'm discovering as I get older that I am less creative, more boring, less adventurous and more uptight than I thought I was. A shocking and ugly discovery. I am not going to label myself but I am keenly aware of this shocking and ugly possibility.

However, I did do a "style" test in one of the books and the results sounds positive.

Casual Decorating Style:

You like furnishings with relaxed comfort in mind and prefer unfussy seating with carefree fabrics in earthy or neutral colours. Seating is arranged in informal groupings for easy conversation. Your favourite things include lighthearted and whimsical assessories. Your homes only demand: put your feet up and enjoy.

I am going to choose to believe that I am not uptight and not adventurous but I like "relaxed comfort."

Creation Monday {Memories}

2011-02-21T09:00:00.000-05:00

This week we are at my parents. This will be the fourth time Jacob and I have made this trip (4 hours from home.) I think we will do this one more time before I'm done maternity leave.

I'm thankful that we are able to do this. I'm not creating memories for Jacob of course but for my family and me!

A week is a perfect amount of time...

For the distance we need to travel and the quality time we can experience.
For my sanity. I don't get as much sleep as we would if we were at home.
For my family to see what Jacob is like at whatever stage we are there for and be able to spend some quality time with him.
For uplifting and "catching up" convos with different family members.
For truly appreciating not having to do the ordinary chores I would have to at home (I still will cook the odd meal when I'm at my parents.)
For me to vividly remember things about different stages Jacob went through as we are in a different and memorable location.
For appreciating the view of the St. Lawrence River
For catching up with a good friend in town
For my brother to take some good pics of Jacob on his iphone.
For me to really miss my husband and be antisipating (like I was when we were engaged) returning home to see him

Some More Milestones

2011-02-19T19:30:00.000-05:00

Object Permanence

-I think Jacob might be experiencing some mild "Separation Anxiety." I'm not sure but he has some behaviours that are typical for this including clinginesss and fussiness when I'm not near, easily consoled by me when I return and a bit of "making strange." Last night with my sis and bro-in-law he looked uneasy when they came but as he looked over at me a couple times and saw my excitement and encouragement he seemed to feel like all was well and then was playing with them etc.
-Jacob loves "Peek a boo." I can't remember the day he started liking this. But this seems to be on target for when they start to learn object permanence which also can contribute to separation anxiety because they are more aware when something goes away and have more say in wanting it back.
- He also tracks us when we play hide-and seek and can anticipate where we'll be. We do it sometimes in the kitchen as we have short wall separating the kitchen and family room. We do peek-a-boo there too and he knows which side we'll come out.

"DADA"

Jacob is totally working on his "D" sounds. Tonight he would not stop "chatting" and we heard him say a few times today "Dada." And when we encouraged it he said it again! Again, like I mentioned before about the "hi" I don't think he knows what he's saying and can't always repeat the sound but it's really neat to hear coherent things coming out of him!

Another

2011-02-19T08:39:00.001-05:00

Another Day. Another Headache. Another discouraged person...

Reminds me of Jewel song... although my soul is saved.

C'est déjà Vendredi!

2011-02-18T12:44:00.003-05:00

Wow! C'est le semaine prochaine! Je viens écrire ma derniere poste en français! Le temps arrive si rapidement. Février est presque fini!

L'hiver est une saison que je trouve souvent difficile. Mais je ne le trouve pas difficile cette année.

C'est un beau jour aujourd'hui!. Alors, Jacob et moi allons marcher dehors et aussi nous allons aller au bibliothèque. Je suis excité!

Si vous lisez ma blog et tu parlez français, corrigez ma poste s'il vous plait! :)

My Body's Response to Pain

2011-02-17T19:53:00.006-05:00

Disclaimer. Please do not read this post if you do not like to think about vomit.

Alright I guess I just gave the conclusion of my story in the title and disclaimer. Oh well.

So today I had a ridiculously painful headache. It worked out that my Mother in law was coming to visit me and Jacob and got here right when it was at it's worse. She spent some time with Jacob while I tried to lay down. After about 10 minutes of lying down I felt it was time to visit the bathroom (it wasn't as nice and thought through of an experience as I'm trying to relay here.) I felt better initially after that experience and got much better after having a rest and nap for a few hours.

I am always perplexed when I need to throw up when I'm in pain. It got me thinking about two other significant "pain" times in my life...

The last time I had a headache like this I threw up too. I was in fourth year at University during exam times. It's kind of a funny story. It was around April Fool's Day. My lovely "downstairs" roomies decided to move my bed into my "upstairs" roomies room and vice versa. I think I had a ridiculous headache the day they did that so I came upstairs and was like "oh that's funny." I then decided to crash in my bed in my roomates room because I would feel bad if I had the flu (I thought it might be the flu because I had never had a migraine before) and was sleeping in her bed. Anyway, I was laying there and realized I was about to throw up so I tried to run down the stairs as fast as I could to get to the bathroom but half way down I realized my running wasn't fast enough and I projectile vomited all over the stairs. This is the ONLY time in my life I have not made the bathroom or a bowl.

Another pain and vomiting story was the labour with Jacob. I threw up 3 times at my house during labour and one MAJOR projectile vomiting at the hospital and on my midwife. I never thought about this detail until my 6 week appointment after Jacob was born. I asked if any got on her and she said not me but it did get on the student midwife. I felt bad because that student was so sweet. She brought me toast and juice after Jacob was born. And she was a HUGE encouragement during the pushing. Alright too much detail? I'll stop now.

But seriously, why does my body love to throw up when I'm in pain? I can handle the pain much more if I'm not nauseous and throwing up.

Gift Ideas

2011-02-17T09:17:00.000-05:00

I want to get better at taking notes when people say something they are looking for or would like to have in mind when their birthday comes. I carry my journal around with me everywhere so I should start a list at the back of my journal to write other people's and I suppose my gift list too.

Here are some currently for me:

Where Women Create Magazine. It's pretty expensive. It's like $14 a magazine. The subscription is pretty crazy for a year it's like $60. And that's only like 5 issues or something.
Pieces of Art for around the house. Probably would want something that gives a contribution to Mercy House or something like that.
Sewing Machine
Bird by Bird (a book)
Stationary
Gift Cards for local places that have fabric and crafty things
Gift card for Starbucks.
Allora Handmade necklace.. not sure what colour.
Always like nice (but still useful) smelling lotions/bath stuff.
nail polish (red, purple, black or a "softer" colour)
Usually always need a new journal or am coming up to needing a new one. I need one currently.
Shoppers or Winners gift card

Ukraine

2011-02-16T21:03:00.003-05:00

This family is heading to Ukraine in June. Andrew has briefly mentioned it on his blog tonight but I'm sure he'll be mentioning more in the future.

We were planning to go last year.

We were getting ready, making plans and then...I got pregnant. The timing was not ideal because the trip would be around the time Jacob was coming.

The trip was still going to go ahead without Andrew leading it.

But then it worked out that it wasn't ideal anymore on the Ukraine side of things so it was pushed to this year.

Now we are planning to go with a team from our church in June.

Initially it seemed like an obvious decision to bring Jacob.

Now I'm not so sure.

I'm left with 3 options (and I need to decide before we start making plans with flights etc.)
1) Bring Jacob (ugh. no sleep. no time for ministry. worry for "details" with traveling with an 11 month old
2) Leave Jacob with family (I would miss him so much and right when I come back I head back to work. Also, would Jacob be ok without me? Is that a bit traumatic or am I being dramatic about the whole thing?)
3) Both of us stay (No! I really want to serve alongside my husband. My heart is increasing for the country and I want to see firsthand about the ministry that is happening in the place that we would be going)

All three options seem both not ideal and doable at the same time. I'm not sure what I will decide to do.

Sharing the Love

2011-02-16T12:36:00.010-05:00

I just read a post by my friend and was thinking after I read it about things that I am loving lately. She encouraged other bloggers to "Share the Love."

It's easy to forget the things you really appreciate as they just become a part of your everyday (because they are that good)

Here are some things I love right now:

Footed Pants for Babies

um I love these. I am lazy and Jacob is a crazy baby who loves to pull socks off. It's so much easier to change him with the feet attached so I don't have to take off the little robeez shoes (which keeps his socks on) and then his little socks. It's just one easy pull on and put back on. The only time they are not so convenient is when I have to look around for a pair of non-footed pants because he needs to be barefoot at the Little Gym. Speaking of the Little Gym...

The Little Gym in Guelph

I love this place. Jacob and I go with a friend (former roomie) and her son to the Little Gym every Wednesday. It's more expensive than I could justify spending if it wasn't an opportunity to spend more time with my friend and meet Mom's outside of my church. Jacob seems to also like it. They do some pretty neat things. I think it's helpful for his development (although not necessary.) Another plus they are going to teach a new sign for baby sign language each time we go.

Florence and the Machine

My new go to "blare and sing really loud" pick for driving. Fave song currently- "Swimming." I told my cousin I think their voices sound similar except I hear more joy in my cousins voice. The singer does a cover of a song "You've got the love" (which Wikipedia says it's considered to be the single with launched their career) which confused me because it sounded like a Christian message:

"when food is gone you are my daily need
when friends are gone I know my saviour's love is real
Your love is real."

But then I did a little research and I don't think she's a believer. It's funny to me that someone who is not would sing those lyrics. It's a bit perplexing. I would understand if it was someone from the "bible belt" who isn't a believer because most of their audience is.

Anyway, I'm getting off topic. I love her stuff. I don't like the "you've got the love" as much as her other stuff for the music part but I like that it makes me think of Jesus.

Francine Rivers

I love this woman. I feel like she is my friend when I read her books. In the past few months I've read:

A Lineage of Grace
Her Mother's Hope
Her Daughter's Dream

I'm finishing up "The Scarlet Thread" tonight I think.

I love the way she writes. I get absolutely sucked into her stories. I tell Andrew about what's happening as if the characters are my friends. Every book I read of hers I feel edified and I love God more and appreciate His grace deeper. Wonderful. How does she do it?

Caramel Macchiato's (at home or Starbucks)

I love sweet things lately. I had been away from them for awhile. Now I just have a craving for sweet. I usually don't have any sweet things just lying around the house. I buy chocolate chips to "snack" on and only use 1/4 of a big bag of them for cooking. I might pick up some of the chocolates mentioned in the blog above. But they, along with any other "treats" I make, receive or buy are usually gone by the end of the day. Sweets do not last in this house.

My Winter Outfit

Sorry I don't have a pic and am too lazy to take one. I'm so thankful and love how my winter attire turned out this year. I posted about it previously. Although it could be a bit warmer (the coat part is not as warm as i thought it was. I only really notice this on days when I don't have a warm sweater on and it's the "canadian" weather outside.) My winter outfit I think has helped me to not wish away the winter this year. I haven't complained really at all. I am excited for warm weather but I'm not detesting winter as I usually do around this time of year.

The Girls at the Youth Group

I am a Seniour High Girls youth leader at my church. Gosh these girls. I love them. They are hilarious and insightful and just great! Lately I've been going through a cool refining process and it has freed me up to appreciate these girls so much more and not be "expecting" certain things from them that actually aren't really fair to them. I might post about these "revelations" later.

There you have it. Those are my "loves" recently. This was a fun activity. It's nice to write it out and appreciate the little and big joys in my life! Any people that stumble across this blog or read it regularly or sometimes, try this for yourself. What do you love lately? Oh and follow my friend's blog over at stricklyspeaking.blogspot.com. She might be doing a recurring "Share the Love" series on her blog. she's great and her life will probably make you smile!

Milestones

2011-02-15T10:07:00.002-05:00

The past few days I feel like Jacob has grown in development:

He's learned the "pinchy" fingers (with this thumb and index working together for a cause!) and picked up a baby cracker to put in his mouth. We captured it on video.

He's "chewing" it seems when the cracker is in his mouth

He's reaching out for things out of his reach and trying to bring the items close... he's struggling but I see the first signs of trying to crawl. I think he's aware now that things are out of his reach that he wants which I'm sure is a good push for crawling. (although I hope this morning doesn't discourage his efforts. The poor guy fell face first when he was sitting playing with toys. He had a big cry and I was worried about a concussion. I think he's ok because he's demeanor is fine now and he followed my finger with his eyes and I checked to see if his pupils shrank when light was shone. I am bringing the pillows back to be around him. I thought we could say good-bye to them because his balance is so good but now that he wants to reach for things I think he doesn't know what he is capable of.)

He said "hi" this morning. For serious. It could have just been a fluke but that is the word we use the most with Jacob which makes me suspicious that he actually said it!
He seems to be talking to me. Not just babbling but responding. He does this "eu" thing. when I said "more, more" and do the sign for it he "responds" with "eu, eu."

Creation Monday {Heart Day}

2011-02-14T18:45:00.000-05:00

I'm loving Valentine's day this year. I guess I just never really realized (or cared at all) how creative I can be on this day*!

I made some cards (the organization from last Monday has already proved useful) for people that were hospitable to us near or on Valentine's Day and for friends that live around here that I could walk to:

I made a card for my hubby (this one is my fave):

I made some cupcakes** to give out and for me and the hubby to enjoy:

I made some brownies for some friends that had invited us to lunch (the husbands agreed it was a cheesy gesture but my friend seemed to like the silliness of it):

I have enjoyed giving creatively this Valentine's Day. I probably won't keep this up as it's not a natural thing for me to do so it wouldn't be as easy when I'm back at work (natural meaning I won't "feel like it" when there is a time factor involved). But, who knows.

*except for the one year I made a CD for Andrew with "love" in the song titles and made him a 5 course meal... which was a big deal for me then given my University meal plan... I've mentioned it before (Breakfast- PB&J, lunch- tune, supper- Spaghetti)

** This is the first time I made icing from scratch. I found a cream cheese icing in a mag. I bet you have never seen grey icing before. Yup, my icing looked grey. This is the second time I made cupcakes. I just followed an easy vanilla cupcake recipe from allrecipes.com. I added some red sugar that I had around to make the cupcakes look a bit pink. I had some red cake design stuff that I used for the cupcakes and brownies. I also saw the toothpick notes idea from the magazine as well. The cupcakes didn't turn out the greatest because I substituted a lot of things but meh. There's grace. They are decent tasting.

Confession: I Want to Look Good

2011-02-12T20:25:00.002-05:00

I want to look good to others. I don't necessarily mean outward appearance though I am not neglecting that aspect.

I find my worth in how I think I "look."

Do I look and sound like I am wise?
Am I mature?
Do I make good connections or have insightful ideas?
Do I make admirable choices?
Am I creative?
Am I a good "home-maker?"
Am I good at hospitality?
Am I good at being a Mom?
Do I look like a good wife?
Does it seem like I really experience God and am growing?

I'm tired of this.
This only breeds comparison and is not fair to my friends and fellow believers that are in my life.

Lord please help me to rest in your grace. Please help me to stop trying to "show off." Help me learn yet again about my identity in Christ. Incline my heart to your testimonies and not toward selfish gain (Psalm 119:36)

I'm starting (slowly) to snuggle up to repentance. It's freeing!

I am on the Miracle Blanket site!

2011-02-11T20:08:00.004-05:00

This is hilarious to me. Check this out http://www.miracleblanket.com/blogs.htm... scroll down and find my blog. It's 16 blogs down.

Crazy stuff.

I feel like for those that will be visiting my blog that I should link to the post that I praised the MB. If you read a few posts down I'm talking about weaning Jacob off the Miracle Blanket which doesn't necessarily show you what I think about the blanket. I love it. I was just too much of a wimp to get him out of it once you're "supposed" to.

Mompetition

2011-02-11T19:13:00.004-05:00

I just watched these hilarious videos. I watched a video like this awhile ago on a blog I read about being a mother of twins. These two are by the same person. It kills me. The voice. The sarcasm.

Petits Pieds

2011-02-11T09:00:00.001-05:00

C'est ma premiere post en Francais! Je ne suis pas fatigue aujourd'hui alors je n'ai pas les excuses pour beaucoup de erreurs...

Mercredi, j'ai appris que les pieds de bébé apprennent dans l'environ plus que les mains. Comme les texture, température etc. Je viens regarder pour cette "fact"via l'internet mais je ne l'ai pas trouver.

Je pense que c'est vrai... mais je ne sais pas. C'est intéressant n'est pas?

Good-Bye Miracle Blanket!

2011-02-10T09:10:00.004-05:00

Alright. I know I've said this before. But today, I mean it.

"How can I trust you on this one Suzanne? You always have big plans for breaking a habit with J and then don't follow through."

Well friends, I've put BOTH miracle blankets that I own in the washer (as both were peed on and slobbered on) and I'm soon going to put Jacob down for a nap. There is no turning back on this one (for this nap at least.)

This child is coming up to 8 months on February 25th. I'm feeling the crunch. He needs to be out of this blanket or I will go insane (he also needs to consistently sleep through the night.)

I could have done this 3 months ago and it still would have been appropriate!!

I'm making it happen folks. Today is the day.

Wish me luck... or seriously pray for me. I know it sounds funny but I mean it!

French Fridays

2011-02-10T08:57:00.002-05:00

Ok. I'm now introducing A French Friday post.

I want to kick this learning French thingy.

I'm already listening (somewhat) to french radio. I've got some new french music... still looking for more.

I'm working on my assignments a couple times a week

And I'm listening to my practice CD in the car and sometimes at home.

Now I'm implementing this French Friday post as one step further. I need accountability for working through this French thing. (It's a bit painful that I need to retrace my steps. It's a bit depressing how little I can conjugate verbs and my lack of vocabulary considering the french exposure I have had in my past)

Alors, demain ma post sera en Francais!

Spiritual Counselling or Spiritual Formation?

2011-02-09T13:58:00.000-05:00

I blogged a little while ago about why I recently have been thinking I might like to go into counseling (I never know if it's one "l" or two. I just googled it and the results are inconclusive from my perspective).

Here's how I got to that conclusion:

I came to the conclusion while I was pregnant. Something happened to me when I was pregnant (I'm not sure if it was the hormones or a new life stage) but I became more blunt and less emotional and felt like I could take on others stuff without feeling burdened by it or too emotionally involved (please do not read I became less caring.)

And then I thought this:

I care about people.

I need to do something which serves people. I have a passion to see people thrive. This has been a theme in what I've wanted to do while in University.

Nursing- people thriving physically
Working with Campus for Christ- people thriving spiritually
Human resources- people thriving in their jobs
Counselling- people thriving emotionally and spiritually

Here's a new development:

Spiritual Counselling or Spiritual Formation?

Do I want to walk along someone in their growth with God and giving them tools- somewhat like a discipleship relationship or in the case of people that don't know God a teaching and coming alongside in this for the first time or do I want to help someone work through an issue that's preventing them from thriving... a hiccup psychologically or circumstantial issues if you will that needs to be overcome?

Creation Monday {Organization}

2011-02-07T14:50:00.000-05:00

"Everything in it's place."- Ma Mere.

This is a classic quote from my Mom. She always reminds me of this when she comes to stay with us. It seems I'll leave a room and when I come back my Mom has organized it and put stuff away and it seems so tidy and clean. My Mom does not have OCD and she is not an anal person by any stretch of the imagination. She's just organized about certain things and values organization. I do too. It gives me a clear head.

I've been having little bouts of wanting to create some organization the past couple weeks.

I organized the basement... or as we call it "Andrew's cave." (But I think I'm going to change that perception that I have of it. I don't like the cave, but I think I just need to find ways to add more colour and then I'll want to spend time down there. I currently spend time down there when I'm working on French and Andrew's studying too. My friend suggests we call it the "the cove" not "the cave")
I wish I had before and after pics. It's pretty drastic the difference. We still have a bit more to do.

Found:

lots of encouraging notes I've kept

textbooks that i would like to look over

lots of "keepsakes" of Andrew's that I refuse to go through!

A bin of hand me down "older" clothes from my cousin for Jacob. Some of them do not fit him.

Costco cash

Tim Hortons card with $5.00 on it.

3 pieces of Mouse poop... uh oh.

I organized the pantry. Bought some baskets at Canadian Tire (I've found this to be the best place to find inexpensive baskets. Gosh. I heart baskets.)

I created a space for organization in the front hall. There's still a lot to do in this area.

I created some organization in our room.

I think now that I have my "crafty" stuff organized I'll be more inclined to remember I can be crafty.
look how cute those little pretend mason jars are? Yes. They are baby food jars.

Organizing Observations:

-I love organizing. I've gotten better over the years. I've learned to do things in stages. And complete one or a few things at a time. When I was younger and lived at my parents I would do a major organization in my room. Halfway through I would get distracted by music, reading notes, reading journals, a creative project and then have a huge mess and be exhausted or bored by organizing and then have a worse mess than when I started. Classic.

-Andrew and his notebooks. Andrew has about 15 notebooks and journals that he has started to write in. Andrew loves languages and bible study and most of these notebooks are notebooks that have been started that are devoted to one thing. He has about 5-10 pages (if that) at the beginning and then the rest are blank. This drives me nuts. I can't even articulate why.

-School papers. I almost don't want to keep them. I wish I had spent more time on my papers. Rereading some causes embarrassment and disappointment in my lack of discipline and hard work in school.

-Textbooks. I'm glad we've kept some of ours. They are big and some aren't that useful but I am a fan of all the textbooks we have.

Why Should I Care?

2011-02-07T13:20:00.000-05:00

6 years ago today* I became a Christian. It feels like a long time now that it's 6 years. Last year I was like, "Wow. Has it only been 5 years?"

I have learned a lot since then. But I am always blown away when I read journals from around that time how I just "got" things. The Holy Spirit is a ridiculous help!

I feel thankful that I can remember the before and after. My experience tells me it was real. My heart was changed and I could tell. I could tell that I did not muster up a heart change or change my mind on my own about Jesus.

I found my testimony that I had written out the year after I came to know Jesus when I was organizing the other day. I had written it out to give to any willing students that were downtown partying on one night with some friends.

Here are some snippits:

Why Should I Care?

"I don't care... whatever." Easy-going, chilled, relaxed. these are three things I prided myself on last year. It worked well for me. If I had a bad night out drinking, or got a bad mark on a midterm it was "no big deal." It protected me from feeling pain, and revealing any sort of sad or angry emotion to the people closest to me. It made it easy for people to be around me. After awhile, I found this self-defense mechanism wasn't working as well as I planned. I really couldn't experience any real joy because I was too busy keeping myself safe from being hurt or disappointed. If you think about it, if you get excited about anything there's the possibility that it won't work out, which leads to disappointment.
So at this point I realized I need to care about some things. But what should I care about and why?
Growing up in a Christian home, I learned I should care about God but I didn't really know why. I just went to church because my parents made me. I didn't "have time" to really examine the importance of God in my life. Now I thought I would give him a chance. I started going to church and learning more about who Jesus was. I realized at this point that my beliefs were pretty skewed. I learned, by being open and acknowledging that I don't have all the answers, that God loves me and has a plan for my life. I learned also, when I was willing to listen, that I make many mistakes because it's part of my nature. I also learned that I was far from God because of my sins (Romans 3:23.) However, God sent his son Jesus to die for me and for these "mistakes" or "sins" so that I might experience freedom in Him and reconciliation with God (Romans 5:10.) Someone then shared with me that the only way I could get to God and have a relationship with Him was through Jesus. If I truly believed in Him and accepted what he did for me I would receive eternal life (John 3:16.)
There's an element of vulnerability that comes with examining these truths. I had to make up my mind for myself whether God was a trustworthy God and if he was loving enough to put all my hope in.
I decided that He was something big enough to care about. I was willing to trust that he had the best plan for my life and that he was something to be joyful about.

I probably would write a few things differently if I was going downtown and handing this out again. However, I'm amazed at what I had learned already at that point. I'm equally amazed that this written out testimony from my past self is an encouragement and correction for my present self! I think I am learning deeper these days a lot of the items I touched on. It's helpful to call it for what it is though when I see it written out so simply in this.

*I'm not sure if that's the specific date. I don't know if I'll ever know until I meet Jesus if it was that day or if my heart was changed a few days earlier and that day was just when I took the plunge, recorded it in my journal and never looked back...

The "Cute" things

2011-02-06T14:59:00.002-05:00

I don't want to forget the cute, hilarious, adorable things Jacob does.

It's easy to just do "day to day" or be so focused on something I'm working on with Jacob that I forget to enjoy.

I realize this when someone makes note of it. Often it's the cheeks or how happy Jacob is.

Here's a video of an examples of the cuteness. His little chatting and smile near the end melts my heart (and the Lord knows I often need A LOT of melting) Maybe it's just me and I'm biased.

Betsy!

2011-02-04T18:08:00.001-05:00

Suzanne: So I think Jacob knows his name now.

Andrew: Yeah, I saw that on your blog.

Suzanne: Watch... 'Jacob!'

[Jacob turns toward Suzanne]

Andrew: 'Betsy!'

[Jacob turns toward Andrew]

Andrew: I don't think he knows his name yet.

I love this stage

2011-02-04T09:00:00.000-05:00

The stage that Jacob is currently in is amazing! I'm wondering if it's the best stage:

He's no longer fragile and totally dependent on me (maybe he wasn't always TOTALLY dependent on ME... but it sure felt that way!)

He stays in one place (I can plop him down somewhere and be confident he won't crawl or roll away.)

He's showing his personality more

He seems to know his name and we're forming some pretty cool connections.

He's eating solid food and not nursing all the time

His sleeps are mostly satisfactory.

Don't Want to Waste My Life

2011-02-03T09:00:00.006-05:00

We're starting him young. He seems to like the thought of not wasting his life. Thanks hubby for introducing our son to LeCrae.

I guess those tunes are better than these. Although we did have a pretty good dance party, right Aunt* Jen?

*I'm still playing around with if the sisters will be Auntie or Aunt. I guess it depends on if we do Auntie for our friends. The real Aunt's should have a special name I think.

The Crisis in Egypt

2011-02-02T20:47:00.002-05:00

It feels weird to write about my everyday life on here after I just followed some tweets, blogs, articles (from January 25th up to today) and live streaming of the Crisis in Egypt.

I have a few thoughts right now about the situation in Egypt.
- I'd like to be praying more for Egypt.
- I'm amazed at the power of Social Media
- I fear the situation will not end well.
- I am amazed both at the effectiveness of many people coming together and the stubbornness of people in power
- I'm interested in studying the history of protests, revolts etc. in Egypt.
- Will this be the beginning of Democracy in Egypt?
- sin (to me) seems to be ridiculously apparent on many fronts in the crisis:

the enslaving pleasure of power (both sides)
the pride with being "right" (both sides)
the power of anger and rage
disregard for human life

I could go on.

O Lord, please be glorified in this somehow.

Growing by Grace

On a Hunt- Christmas Traditions

Redeemed

I miss

A Day for Musings

A Different Person Today

One of THOSE Moms...

Birthday Video

A Letter at 12 Months

"May the Lord" Me, Mom.

I'm Still Here...

If I had twitter...

Creation Monday {Summer Salad}

Thankful

10 Month Update

Creation Monday {M}

Creation Monday {Hope} ... woops it's Wednesday!

Pride

An Ode to My Mom!

So Many Drafts... so little to say

The Making of History

Creation Monday {My Vote}

Panic....

mmm... chord progression

Normal Sleep

I knew there would be videos... there always is.

Easter Weekend (The blog post that could be 5 blog posts)

Creation Monday {Surprise!}

This Love

9 Month Update

Creation Monday {Authenticity}

When is the Perfect Time to Leave?

Ma Class Francais Part 2

What a Day!

Details, Details, Details...

Creation Monday {Focus}

Dishes, Dishes and Dishes... :)

The Uniqueness of Children

Closed Fist.

Two New Blogs to Follow

A Rant on Customer Service.

While I was Out

Creation Monday {Reuse}

Sick Boy

Other Extreme- Same Result

I can't get that song out of my head Part 3

Another New Look

On Enjoying Life

Creation Monday {Cards}

Un Jour de Paix

Free-Write Fridays

Yet

Not Blog Post Worthy.

"What's So Funny?"

Sleep Training

Creation Monday {Worship}

Abientot! J'ai Besoin d'une Retraite

Almost Traveled Out.

To Research

Jacob's 8 month update

Creation Monday {Organized Keepsakes}

For the Love of Learning

Esthero is Still Around...

Ma Deuxieme Assignment

Wedding Gifts

Mat Leave "To-Do" List A.K.A "I'm So Glad I Have An Easy Baby" List

Confession: I Have Rage Issues.

Thinking About Making My Blog Private

Some Anticipatory Lists

More posts than 2009

Hospitality plan

Creation Monday {Tag Blanket}

A Clean House!

On Toilet Paper

Starbucks et Mon Frère

Working Mom or SAHM

My "Style"

Creation Monday {Memories}

Some More Milestones

Another