At 7:30am I had just disciplined Jacob in anger, yelled at him, watched him sob in response, was frustrated and feeling guilty for how I responded to him, couldn't find things, ran out the door without having breakfast hoping I could get to it before I stepped into work. I'm on the brink of tears and heading out the door to bring Jacob to his daycare.
by 7:45 I was in tears listening to a podcast a friend had given me on advice and encouragement for the working Mom from Focus on the family.
"You cannot give 200% (100% at work, 100% at home) without the strength of Jesus"
"Even if you feel like you're a failure everywhere- you're not!"
"Take time to rest."
By 8:00 I realize I had forgotten work that I had done at home and needed to go ALL the way back to get it. I also needed to go buy milk for Jacob as the milk had expired at his daycare.
by 8:30am I'm heading back to work and I think briefly about how to turn this around... I offer up a quick short but weighty prayer:
"Jesus help me live today for you and not worry about what people think of me."
Now as I am heading to bed, I feel full. I know I messed up in more ways than just the morning I'm sure. A few times I stumbled in the work day that I can point to (let alone things I can't point to). I came home and wrestled with fleshly thoughts about the day.
Tonight I facilitated a group discussion where we were reminded of the gospel. It was refreshing and truly enriching to be around such beautiful women who want to please God. I was edified as well by the reminder that I am loved. I am accepted by God.
The gospel transforms.
Jesus help me love you more tomorrow.
2 comments:
amen. sister suz. amen. i appreciate your raw honesty here. looking forward to getting together with you soon.
xoxo
Just do the best you can everyday. that's all anyone can ask. somedays are better than others. Sending prayers your way.
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