Creation Monday {Hope} ... woops it's Wednesday!

Today instead of rejoicing in what I was able to create by God's grace in the past week, I'd like to rejoice in what God has created in me.

Lately I've been struggling with patience and anger (um.. what else is new?) It seems to coincide with lack of sleep and hormones. The anger than turns to guilt and then despair and just a crummy heart attitude.

Yesterday I was made aware of God's care for me in and despite this attitude.

In the morning, I felt like throwing things... actually I did throw things. I threw two sweaters at a wall. I threw a few of Jacob's books on the ground. I stormed out of his room and left him in the crib crying (he was perfectly safe) while I sobbed into a pillow in my room (like loud sobbing.. the kind where I wondered if the neighbours might call the police after they heard thumps and a baby wailing and another person sobbing). Oh gosh, it seems so hilarious to write this out. Hopefully none of my neighbours were home.
Andrew came home to work from home for the afternoon (totally a life save... totally God's grace) and I went out to have some time with God while Andrew stayed home. Boy, was that needed.

Then, later on at youth our discussion was on having self-control with our siblings. As I was leading the study I was feeling totally convicted about my own lack of self-control. We talked about how you can have self-control even if it seems impossible and sometimes we just need to cry out a desperate "help" to God. I was mentioning how it seems easier to just explode or implode with our anger when people push our buttons and not come to God for help. I challenged them to try to do that and not give up when it doesn't seem to "work" or when they mess up after. We prayed for each other and the one youth gal prayed for me. It was totally the prayers I needed. Such a simple prayer:

"God I pray for Suzanne and her husband Andrew and baby Jacob. God I pray that you would help Suzanne to be more patient and that she would know that everything is going to be alright even when she thinks it's not. I pray she would pray to you during the frustrating times and that she would see that Jacob is just a baby."

I'm really becoming aware of different seasons in people's lives. It's easy to think, wow that person is going through a really exciting time God must be granting favor in their life for whatever reason but I have seen the richness of being in a time where I don't feel like I am as hopeful, joyful, faithful or at peace as I used to be (back in the day.. I also need to be careful that I don't rewrite history and trust in a memory that is not fully accurate.. I might post on that idea later) but I'm more aware of how I do still have hope- though sometimes it seems small or fading- it remains!

God's grace makes me hope.
God's grace keeps me faithful.
God's grace keeps me seeking him even if it's a battle and I'm just holding on my a thread.
God's grace keeps me singing... even when the songs can be sad.
God's grace is. amazing.

Because of God's grace, I have hope:
in his love, care and provision
that he will give me what I need (even if I don't notice or don't think it is what I need)
in his promises
for a future